Monday, 3 March 2008

So I'm back home after three weeks of being back home.

That statement did not make sense did it, but neither does my mind at the moment.

I've been in Singapore, the country I spent the first 19 years of my life in for the last three weeks.

I'm now in Sydney, the country I've adopted for almost seven years now.

Where exactly is home? I don't know anymore.

They say home is where the heart is. But my heart lies both in Singapore and Sydney. How do I solve that dilemma?

How can a person be completely happy in two different places for two completely different reasons? But am I actually completely happy?

I love Singapore for the close network of friends I've got there and of course, the fact that my family is there. And on a more superficial level, the food, the shopping and the ease of convenience.

But I love Sydney too. I love my friends here, and I love the lifestyle I've been able to develop for myself here. It's a lifestyle that cannot be duplicated in Singapore.

So I choose Sydney. I choose to live and work in Sydney because of what I love about it.

And yet, I miss being Singapore. But when I'm in Singapore, I miss all that Sydney is that Singapore isn't.

What do I do? What do I choose?

Am I asking for too much? Am I simply wanting to have my cake and eat it? Or am I simply getting a little too emotional?

I yearn for the time when distance no longer matters. And that's what my belief in God promises (that, and much more, of course).

I believe that one day, God will take away all this pain in my heart. Remove all the yearning for being with people I hold dear to my heart. The day when I can be in Singapore and Sydney at the same time, but yet, in a completely different context.

But that day just seems so far away...

2 comments:

Maya said...

In as much as I want you to come back, I know it is not what your heart wants. Truly.

I'll just cherish whatever time we get to spend together when you are back. :)

Ida said...

I'm happy to read your blogenteries again. I will comment on wanting to be in two different places at the same time but will do so in a mail sometime this week.
Take care

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