I did something painful today. No, not that.
I wrote an email that I'm not even sure I should have written:
Dear Dr. Mika,
Thank you so much for your email. Of course I remember you.
I am extremely flattered with the offer and in all honesty, would have snapped up this offer had it been given me a few weeks back. The job description sounds really interesting and I could imagine myself loving the job.
Unfortunately, I am no longer able to accept the offer. After several long days of praying and pondering, I believe that God has someone else who would be much better for the job. It really pains me to turn down this offer, but I think God has something up his sleeve for both Mission College and me. Please accept my sincerest aplogies for any inconvenience caused.
I wish Mission College all the best in finding THE person for the job and I trust that the person will be a real asset to you and the team.
My warmest regards,
So well, I have turned down the job at Mission College in Thailand. The one and only job offer I've got so far that offers me security. The job is gone. For some other lucky soul to accept.
The position with Adventist World Radio (AWR) in Singapore is not quite finalised yet, and knowing Adventist organisations, that probably means the position will come up within the next 5 years.
I'm back at Citibank, working long crazy hours for an organisation with an aim I don't believe in.
My wings clipped. My spirit diminished. My soul sobbing.
All these to save up for a future with no uncertainty. A life without security. To be where my dreams will come true.
Let's just hope I'm not chasing pipe dreams. Or look back to this day in regret, or extreme poverty.