I’m not sure if I should be freaked out or traumatised.

As part of one of our Marketing promotions, we regularly give away crystal vases to customers. These vases are kept with the supplier and are delivered to us only when we require them. As such, I have been put in charge of calling the sales rep whenever we need any vases.

Today, I get a call from the sales rep, Kenny, telling me that he would be able to deliver 10 of them to me this afternoon.

K: singing “Melody, this is Kenny.”
M: “Oh, hi. I was just thinking of calling you this morning to ask you about the vases.”
K: “You only were thinking about it? But why didn’t you call?”
M: “Er, I was busy?”
K: “How could you? And I even left you a message. Why didn’t you return my call?”
M: “Sorry, but I haven’t had the time to check my phone messages.”
K: “I’m so hurt.”
M: “…”
K: “Anyway, your vases will be delivered in an hour’s time.”
M: “Ok, great!”
K: “Hey, what happened to Hoon Hoon?” (Note: Hoon Hoon is the lady I took over)
M: “She’s on maternity leave, she’ll be back soon.”
K: “Oh, you know, I prefer talking to you. Hoon Hoon is always scolding me. But you’re really nice.”
M: “Er, thanks? Anyway, she’ll be scolding you again in a months’ time.”
K: “Huh? Why? What about you?”
M: “I’m leaving.”
K: “Where?”
M: “I’m leaving the bank.”
K: “Why?”
M: “Because I’ve got other plans.”
K: “How can you leave so soon? How am I going to talk to you then?”
M: “…” but thinking “You don’t, bozo.”
K: “But I just got to know you.”
M: thinking - no you haven’t
K: “Why don’t you give me your handphone number?”
M: “Why don’t you just email me?”
K: “Why?”
M: “I’m leaving the country so the handphone number wouldn’t work anyway.”
K: “Really? Why?”
M: “My friend’s getting married.”
K: “So where are you going?”
M: “Germany.”
K: “Oh, so will you check your email? Will you reply?”
M: “Of course!” (fingers crossed)
K: “Ok, you sms me your email address then.”
M: “Ok.”
K: “Then when you sms me I’ll get your handphone number as well!”
M: thinking – Crap.
K: “Ok, so my handphone number is……are you taking it down?”
M: exasperatedly “Yes, what is it?”
K: provides handphone number and continues “We should meet up one day, have coffee or something. Nothing to do with Citibank you know?”
M: “Erm, yeah, sure…”

Two hours later, the vases were still nowhere in sight. Reluctantly I have to call him again. After checking it out, he calls me back to tell me they would be there soon, and then continues…

K: “Hey, I’m still waiting for your sms.”
M: “Oh, sorry, I’ve been busy.”
K: “You know, I’m a sales person, so I know how to hassle you for it ok.”
M: “Ok, will you just be patient, I’m really busy.”
K: “Ok ok, make sure you sms it to me later ok?”
M: “Yeah, sure, whatever, bye.”

oh, the beautiful English language

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON
DUTY.

Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

In a Japanese cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Before I started work at Citibank, I was always under the impression that there was only one way to pronounce my name.

I mean, Melody is not a strange foreign word. But the different variations I get of my name in a matter of 3 months has proven to me that maybe Melody really isn't that common a word, even amongst the English-educated.

Starting from the most common mispronounciation, not including the numerous times I get called Melanie and Madeline.....

Meh-Do-Lee

Meh-Der-Lee

Me-Low-Dee

Mer-Low-Dee

Meh-Low-Dee

Med-Lee

And the one that leaves me dumbstruck with bafflement....

Maria

Hi Melody. How are things.

Dr Valentine and I have been away for quite some time during the past couple of months. We are here (Mission College, Thailand) for about 2 weeks and then to Europe to a Youth Congress in Poland. We may see the Newbold folk there.

So how is your work going? Anything permament come up yet?

Our VP for Marketing and Development has been away for a couple of months and will not reutrn until the end of August, but we do need to make some appointments then.

Are you still interested? We still need someone to coordinate Events (alongside a Thai speaker) as well as someone to do PR. So the offer is still on the table.

Would love to hear from you.

Sincerely
Gail Valentine
 
Need I say that I am extremely interested?
 
On another note, I love this new feature of blogger. Multicoloured text!

somehow, asking, "Hello, may I speak with Mr Tetet?" sounds vulgar...

it's been almost 24 hours. I still cannot bring myself to make the call.

What if I burst out laughing? What if I burst out laughing in the middle of the sentence? What if all the other person hear is me laughing?

My mobile started ringing at 4.50am this morning.

Reaching for it and forcing my eyes open, I see an unidentified number on my caller ID. I promptly hung up. (Fanja and Anca forgive me).

A few minutes later, it started ringing again. After realising that it could be an overseas call (hey, it was 5am, my mind works at half the speed at 5am) I picked up the call.

Me: "mmmmm...."
Caller: "Hi, is that Melody?"
Me: "mmmmm...."
Caller: silently whispering "1, 2" and then a loud chorus "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to Melody, Happy Birthday to you."
Me: "awwwww...soh schweet...."
Fanja & Anca: "Mel, are you awake? What time is it?"
Me: "Fiiiiveeee"
Anca: "Oh, Fanja said it was 6. I'm so sorry..."
(Me wondering - would it really make a difference if it were 6, especially since they know I'm no where near a morning person. Yes, I'm grumpy when I'm woken from my sleep.)

After about 3 minutes of me mumbling something incoherant and them telling me really sweet things like that I need to make sure I have fun because if I were with them in England they would make sure I enjoyed myself, they realised the conversation was not going to work. With a final goodbye and love-yous, we hung up. I turned over and went back to sleep.

My phone went off again. This time it was a text message from another friend in England.

The feeling that I am missed and not forgotten, that even though I'm halfway across the world in a totally different timezone is not making a difference, that I have such wonderful and dear friends who bother to make contact with me and wish me a happy birthday touches me.

And sensing a wave of protests from my dear friends in Singapore, I feel loved here too. Even before my day started, I have already received several birthday wishes. And I am touched that the time I've spent away has not seem to dilute our friendship. That I have friends who make an effort, wanting to celebrate my birthday with me.

Today is a great day. Not because I've grown OLD-er, but because I feel incredibly affirmed and love. That my friends whom I hold extremely dear to my life, love and care for me. That despite my warts and all, I still have a group of people who will stand by me and support me.

That I am so loved by my family that my mother hugs me tight and wishes me a happy birthday in the morning.

That I have a brother who shows his love for me in strange warped way, slapping my stomach, insulting me and wishing me happy birthday all at the same time.

And most of all, that I have a God who is in charge of my life and who will never let me go.

I honestly feel blessed.

My shopping list yesterday:

1. 17 fat white candles
2. 15 rattan basket/candle holder
3. 2 tall black candle stands
4. 10 can-openers
5. 1 blue flower vase
6. 3 bags of stones
7. 1 pale orange daisy

What happened to shopping for dresses, skirts, shoes, pretty dangling earrings, etc?

What happened to increasing my collection of CDs, DVDs and books?

I have become one of them who go to Ikea on the weekends just to enjoy 2 glasses of free drinks.

My slow and sure morphing into a drone is becoming complete...

It’s one of those overlooked TV shows on Central, airing on a Thursday night at 11.30pm.

It’s one of those unknown TV shows that may garner a blank look when you mention it to your colleagues.

But it’s also one of those brilliant comedies that draw you in from the word “go”.

The Sketch Show is 30 minutes of pure unadulterated British humour experience, filled with wit that hits you left of the centre. Written and performed by 5 insane folks, it is art at its best and entertainment at it finest.

It is 30 minutes of short sketches that satirises anything and everything from travelling chess sets to airport security. It doesn’t even matter that you’re not British, so long as you haven’t just emerged from under a rock and are completely oblivious to pop culture.

For a generation raised by MTV, you will find the Sketch Show catering to your short attention span. Not only that, nothing will be missed, even if you decide to switch on your TV set only at 11.45pm. (But why would you? The fun starts at 11.30pm!)

True, you may not get to know the actors like you would your Chandlers and Phoebes, but it’s hardly a bad deal when you get at least 10 standalone comedic acts and 5 actors playing 30 different characters. (The make-up and costume changes alone would suffice as entertainment.)

So you know where I’ll be on Thursday nights – watching a father try to tell his daughter a bedtime story about Freddie Krueger, and experiencing the first landing on the Moon – Sketch Show style.

Faith: > ASF Day RoxXors!!! (translation : I say, old bean, this ASF Day celebration is going to be absolutely spiffy!)

--> insert plug <--

ASF Day is for all Adventist students between 16 and 26 (or thereabouts)
ASF Day will be on the evening of July 24, 2004.
ASF Day will be an event to remember.
ASF Day will have a mountain-climbing/base camp/Band of Brothers-Currahee-We Stand Alone Together theme.
ASF Day events management is something that Faith has dragged me into helping.
ASF Day is not the only thing that Faith has dragged me into helping.

--> end plug <--

My reply:

old bean?????????????????

green, red, yellow, black???

do old beans all turn into one single colour?

And who are you calling bean?

Are you trying to imply that a certain member of the committee resembles a bean (pudgy and small) or that he is like Mr. Bean??

Do we all fall under the category of bean-ness (where's Brian the grammar police) or are you just talking about one person?

Then again, if you're talking about all of us, shouldn't it be beanS (that's the Brian in me talking)?

If we or one member is a bean, do we eventually have to be cooked?

The violent response I get:

*throws a pot of garbanzo at mel*

now you're bean'n silly!