I was in London yesterday. Swept up by the media hoo-ha, I found myself making my way to Tower Bridge to gawk at an American. A so-called magician/illusionist who had willingly enclosed himself in a glass box. By the time I was there, he had already been suspended in midair and gone without food for 43 days.

David Blaine – Above the Below.

Maybe it was just a typical Saturday evening crowd on the bridge, packed with camera-toting tourists (none of which were Japanese), but the number of people – practically hundreds, certainly shocked me. All around, I heard the same words exclaimed, “Look, there he is!”

There were people pointing, people taking photos, people posing for photos and people simply standing there and staring. I stayed on the bridge for about 5 minutes, looking at the motionless body lying in the box.

The enclosure beneath the box, fenced off after all those hurled eggs, was full. The surrounding paths were also crowded with people who shrieked at Blaine. Whether it was of a hormonal female-groupie nature or a homicidal golf-ball hurling nature, I have no idea.

Suddenly, he moved. He actually sat up, turned around and waved weakly at the people behind him. The lady beside me immediately instructed her young daughter, “Quick, wave back at him! Wave!” There rose a chorus of encouraging shouts as well as a series of excited waving.

Amazing how a simple gesture by one starving person hanging in midair can generate so much reaction. Amazing how many people are interested in the condition of one man who wanted to be locked up in a glass box with just water for sustenance.

Thousands are expected to turn out today to watch Blaine’s exit, which will be broadcast on television and streamed to paying subscribers on the Internet. Sky One, which has been filming the whole thing, says a quarter of a million people will have seen Blaine for themselves by the time the box is lowered to the floor at 9.30pm.

In all honesty, I am ashamed to say that I contributed to that statistic. Not because I think Blaine wanting to prove through his stunt that “we can endure much more than we think we can”, is merely a publicity tool, or that it was an easy feat.

I am ashamed of the quarter of a million people, and the many more watching their TV or computer monitors.

Imagine our reaction if instead of a starving Blaine, we had a starving Ethiopian in the box. Or maybe a starving North Korean. Too far away? What about that hungry and homeless guy who begs at the train station you go to work from? What about…guess what? The choice is limitless because there are so many hungry people all around the world!

But do we see Mr. Starving Ethiopian on TV? Would we make that trip to the Orient to wave at Mr. Starving North Korean while he lay weakly on the floor? Would we pay to see Mr. Hungry and Homeless on the Internet?

Granted, if it does come to that, I am sure that countless of kind-hearted people out there would be making generous donations to help alleviate the pain and suffering of Mr. Whoever-is-Starving-and-in-the-Limelight. But that’s just it isn’t it? If it’s not in the limelight, we pretend it doesn’t exist.

David Blaine willingly starving himself is generating more media interest right now than the numerous of civilian Iraqis suffering from America’s search for Weapons of Mass Destruction. Nine out of ten times, a mother would shield her child from watching on the news, heart-wrenching scenes of children dying from hunger.

And yet, we applaud Blaine for his incredible feat of endurance. But he had a choice. Our starving friends from the rest of the world don’t.

A spokesman for Sky One has revealed that “[Blaine, after his exit from the box] will then be put on a stretcher and taken to a private hospital,” where nutritional experts will begin his re-feeding programme and monitor his recovery for approximately one month.

I do not deny the fact that Blaine’s stunt poses real threats to his life. It poses a real threat to the Ethiopian and the North Korean too. And guess what? They do not always have a private hospital to go to after 44 days. They have no nutritional expert to monitor their recovery. And they do not usually go hungry for just 44 days. In fact, after months of starvation, they usually die.

Do I see tourists flocking to photograph this phenomena? Does the media even take coverage of such events?

No. Because it’s the harsh reality of life and none of us want to see it. We want to see Blaine. We want to see a man starving, but with the full knowledge that he will get help if his life was in any serious danger (Blaine’s medical team analyses his urine daily to check for kidney and liver failure and will intervene if he stops moving completely for two days).

And we want to call him a hero, for enduring such an ordeal. We forget that everyday, hundreds of others go through the same thing, without hope, without support, without encouragement. And we forget that some 2000 years ago. Jesus Christ not only fasted for forty days and forty nights, he had the devil to contend with after that.

i seem to be on a roll for strange thoughts today...while sitting in during the College's student forum today, a thought suddenly hit me.

I have been a rather unwilling participant in working here because of various reasons...one of which was the fact that I sincerely feel like a hypocrite (that's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one). But yeah, I'm doing PR work...don't they say all PR people lie?

So, I feel horrible about having to promote the College and entice students to come study here. The fact that I'm going to go to Thailand and Hong Kong in January 2004 to do just that is more or less eating me alive. I'm excited about the prospect of travelling, but I'm rather hesitant about the idea of promoting an organisation I don't fully believe in.

Then it hit me. A lot of the students who are already here are suffering...and one of the main reasons is because of the lack of funds the College has. No students = no money. No money = current students suffer.

If I were to be able to promote the College effectively and get students to come here, the College would have more money and hence be able to better the quality of life the students have here. And with more funds, everything else would improve as well!

I could look at it this way. I'm not so much working for the College as I am working to better the lives of the current students. Maybe.

And maybe, doing PR for the College isn't that bad after all....

this is how stream of consciousness works....

I just started reading Michael Moore's book Stupid White Men last night. Great book by the way. Only read the first chapter but shall we say, the way in which our dear Mr. George Bush won the elections were rather....interesting....to say the least. It's politics, true, but Michael Moore does it in a rather hilarious easy-to-read way it's great.

I'm actually now wanting to watch Bowling for Columbine.

Anyway, from there, I thought of another USA-bashing American friend I know...the one and only Kristin Dewey. I love that girl to bits (in a absolutely non-lesbian way of course, ahem.) Her "love" for her country absolutely astounds me, and is probably the main reason why we get along so well. Besides the fact that she practically thinks almost like me and shares my tastes, despite being raised halfway across the globe.

So, from Kristin, I begin to think about her recent "aquirement"....Chris. (And I sense that I will be receiving a threatening email from her soon for saying all this on my blogspot) I am curious about this boy. Who is this person who actually won my dear friend's heart? What is he like? It's annoying that one of my closest friend in the world has a boyfriend and I have no idea how this person who is so near to her heart is like. Maybe it's just a control thing. I want to know. So that I can hunt him down and torture him if he ever treats her wrong. (Chris, if you're reading this, consider yourself warned *smile*)

From Chris, I then move on to another Kris...Kristina...my mom. (have I ever mentioned that I know waaay too many Ch/Kris-es?) How she's always so supportive and understanding, even when her only daughter refuses to stay put in the country she was born in. I love my mom. And we're moving! By March 2004, our new home will be in the delightful, secluded ex-fishing village of Punggol.

I can't wait to move. Not because of where it is, which honestly, I'm not too excited about but I'm sure I'd get used to the idea of travelling forever to get to anywhere. I'm excited about designing the whole place, especially my room. It will reflect me as a person and have everything I love in there. I only developed my personality and started to know myself a few years ago and to have a room that will reflect that is extremely exciting to me. My old room was designed when I was 7. Think pink. Think childish. *shudder*

And then because of this whole identity business, I think back to this video Motherland that I saw yesterday evening. Interesting stuff. Searching for your ancestors through DNA testing and finding out where you came from. I spoke with one of the participants, Mark Anderson and gleaned from him his need for identity and sense of belonging...

Which led me to think about my own sense of belonging. Most Black-British people feel that they belong in Africa, which is fair enough since that's where their ancestors came from. My ancestors come from China...why don't I feel that I belong there? On the contrary...I feel more at home in the Western world. I am not white. I certainly don't look white. Half the time I don't think like a white, and yet...I feel like I belong more in a white society than in an Asian one. Why?

Besides, what encompasses belonging anyway? Acceptance? Personal comfort? An environment which reflects one's morals/ideals/principals/thoughts?

Am I just confused or am I just unsatisfied with what I've got?

Maybe it’s my sickness. Maybe it’s coz my walk with God hasn’t been that steady lately. But for the last few days, I have been beginning to doubt God and am terrified as to what my future holds.

Two more months and I’ll be making my way back to Singapore. I’m looking forward to meeting up with family and old friends. Then there’s the food and the cheap shopping…but to spend the rest of my life there? Shudder. The weather doesn’t agree with me. I get horrible sinus attacks and the lifestyle…well…maybe I’ve just been away too long. I don’t know.

I cannot imagine myself staying in Singapore for an extended period of time. Yet, it seems that God is calling me back to Singapore. And in accordance to my epiphany in July – I have said I would do God’s will, and if it entails returning to Singapore, I will do so.

My question now is, does God exist? What if He isn’t real? I’ve come to the conclusion that he wants me back in Singapore and so I’m not really fighting it because I want to do His will. But what if He isn’t real? I’m returning coz I tell myself I should trust God and God’s not going to make me hate my experience wherever I may be. And maybe he just wants me to return to Singapore to learn something.

And since my heart really lies overseas, He’ll eventually bring me away from Singapore. But what if He doesn’t? What if He isn’t even real and hence would not lead me away from Singapore and make me hate every single day of the rest of my life?

Working myself into a frenzy here. I’m scared half to death. I am extremely resistant to the idea of staying in Singapore for an indefinite period of time. I know that I should trust in God, but I still can’t help feeling scared because I honestly have no idea what my future holds for me. I don’t know what I’m going to do next year! What will my career be? Will I even get a job?

And yet…God seemed to already know that I would get to this point. My daily devotional reading for the day, courtesy of Rick Warren and his Purpose Driven Life, said this:

God develops real peace within us, not by making things go the way we planned, but by allowing times of chaos and confusion. Anyone can be peaceful watching a beautiful sunset or relaxing on vacation. We learn real peace by choosing to trust God in circumstances in which we are tempted to worry or be afraid. Likewise, patience is developed in circumstances in which we’re forced to wait and are tempted to be angry or have a short fuse.

Peace – to trust that it will all work out when I return to Singapore. I don’t know how, but to simply have faith in God and trust that he would be there for me.

Patience – I want to know what my future would be like. But I just have to wait, and it will all be revealed…

Not easy....

i'm going to Thailand!!! well, at least I hope so....

There's a major Youth Congress that the church organised in Bangkok and I'm going to attend to promote the College. Some 2000 college aged kids expected to turn up, of course they're not going to pass up this opportunity to get in contact with some potential students.

Granted, my contract ends before then, but hey, a free trip to Thailand, practically all expenses paid. Of course I'm going to jump at the chance.

Everything's rather blurry at the moment though and I really have no idea what's going on. Where am I going to stay, how am I going to get to where I stay from the airport, what am I going to eat...but I'm sure it'll work out. All I know is that I'm going to send in the application form tomorrow and probably book an airticket within this week. woohoo!!

Only catch? I leave UK on the 28 December, arrive in Singapore on the 29, and then leave for Bangkok on the 30, not returning to Singapore until 5 January 2004. Talk about serious flying issues....and spending New Year's all alone. Well, with some 2000 strangers....

if i'm MIA for the next few days...it's coz the flu bug finally got me.

everybody's been getting sick left, right and centre coz of the sudden drop in temperature (autumn is most definitely here) and i've been thinking that i've done pretty well fighting it.

well, i've just lost the battle...

Opening text:

Disclaimer: 1) a renunciation of any claim to or connection with; 2) disavowal; 3) a statement made to save one's own ass.

Though it'll go without saying ten minutes or so into these preceedings, View Askew would like to state that this film is from start to finish a work of comedic fantasy, not to be taken seriously. To insist that any of what follows is incendiary or inflammatory is to miss our intention and pass judgement; and passing judgement is reserved for God and God alone (this goes for you film critics too...just kidding).

So please before you think about hurting someone over this trifle of a film, remember: even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the Platypus.

Thank you and enjoy the show.

P.S. We sincerely apologize to all Platypus enthusiasts out there who are offended by that thoughtless comment about Platypi. We at View Askew respect the noble Platypus, and it is not our intention to slight these stupid creatures in any way.

Thank you again and enjoy the show

Today, I rant about the movie Dogma.

Yes, it's got a fair share of controversy, being obviously anti-Catholic. The show is a little too coarse for my liking and is extremely generous in its vocabulary, if you get what I mean. The movie has some theology that I am rather "iffy" about and can take God too lightly.

But the statement the film made is powerful.

This movie is not an attack on Catholics per se. On the Catholic Church maybe, but certainly not the folks who love and believe in God. The movie is not about faith in God. The movie is about the loss of God within religion. This movie is about how humans are more concerned about rituals, tradition, laws and how we behave rather than our relationship with God - it's an attack on organised religion.

Just have a read at some of the dialouge:

I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it.

When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up.

I don't know how well these statements would come across if you haven't watched the movie, but there's lots more where those came from. And even more from the movie itself. Of course, you'd have to sift through some really dodgy ones but when you find a good quote, it's a gem.

And it makes its point in a light-hearted comedic way...great movie. Watch it.

so, i'm not entirely sure if this is even legit, but i got ambused by a reporter from the Reading Evening Post on Friday afternoon. Actually, come to think of it, I assume it's the Reading Evening Post coz I was in Reading and she said she was from the Evening Post...logic of a woman...nevermind...

she was doing a feature on "people who dress stylishly" and somehow, she had the impression that I fitted her criteria. (In case you're wondering, I was wearing an orange turtleneck jumper, denim jacket, this really cool reversible skirt that I bought in London and knee high boots - typical autumn wear...so not sure where she got that idea from.)

Unfortunately, I disappointed her bitterly when she asked me the following questions:

Reporter: "So, what is your favourite brand?"
Me: "Don't really have one, I just go into shops that look cool to me and pick whatever I want."
R: "And what brands are you wearing now?"
M: "Erm, dunno."

Then she starts picking at my clothes trying to find the clothes brand coz honestly, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BRAND OF CLOTHES I WEAR! I go for the look, not the brand....

R: "Where did you get your clothes from?"
M: "Well, Singapore, Australia, London..." (pointing to the respective article of clothing)

She stared at me in disbelief and then recovers, continuing...

R: "What is your favourite shop in Reading?"
M: "Don't have one really, seeing that I don't come here often..."
R: "What about your favourite TV programme?"
M: "Don't watch TV much really..."

I think she wanted to kill me then. But instead she smiled sweetly and thanked me politely and then this guy who was with her whips out his huge photographer camera and said he wanted to take a photo of me. Rrrriiiggghhhtttt...she didn't mention that before. Ended up standing in the high street of Reading posing for a photograph. He took a total of 4 photos, two full length and two mug shots...then, they left.

Don't even know whether they were truly from the Evening Post. Don't even know when the said article will be published. Don't know nuts. But if you end up seeing nude photos of me on the Internet, you'll know what I thought I was posing for...

The Little Prince is a classic tale of equal appeal to children and adults. On one level it is the story of an airman's discovery in the desert of a small boy from another planet - the Little Prince of the title - and his stories of intergalactic travel, while on the other hand it is a thought-provoking allegory of the human condition.

Such a small book - only 100 pages long - and yet the statements made are so powerful...

“In the evening I want you to put me under a glass dome. It is very cold here where you live. And rather uncomfortable. Now where I come from…”

Too late she interrupted herself. She had arrived as a seed. She could not have known anything about other worlds. Embarrassed at having been discovered preparing such a naïve lie, she coughed a couple of times so as to confuse the little prince.

So the little prince, in spite of the goodwill his love engendered towards her, came gradually to doubt her. He had taken words of no importance seriously and became very unhappy.

“I shouldn’t have listened to her,” he confided to me one day, “one should never listen to flowers. One must admire them and breathe their fragrance. Mine perfumed all my planet, but I did not know how to enjoy her…

“…at that time I was unable to understand anything! I should have based my judgement upon deeds and not words. She cast her fragrance and her radiance over me. I should never have run away from her! I should have guessed at the affection behind her poor little tricks. Flowers are so inconsistent! But I was too young to know how to love her.”

Unconditional love.

To look beyond the meaningless, flighty or untruthful words into the inner core of our souls. To realise that there is a hurting spirit inside most of us. To know that because God created us, we have a positive contribution to make on this every earth we live on.

And yet, when we hear certain words, when we hear certain stories, we forget that the person involved is still loved by God and still possesses the ability to make that same positive contribution. Our opinion of the person changes. Our judgemental spirit emerges. We forget the numerous good the person had done for us. We no longer see the positive side of the person and instead remain focussed on the mistakes, the wrongs, the bad.

To love anyway...

...besides, how often do words come out of our own mouths without thought? How often do we say things we think of no importance? The Hebrews believed that when we speak, the words we utter become living organisms that grows. And it does. Words are powerful tools in which we need to learn how to use carefully. What we say to people, no matter that we don't mean it, are going to create an impact on them.

A good impact? A bad impact? That is what we have to be careful about.

my mom will be proud of me. my friends will gasp in shock.

I will be working in the kitchen this evening.

before anybody gets too excited, I am not working in the cafeteria or cooking any English cuisine ("do those two words even go together?" I hear you say).

Once a week from 8-11pm, the lounge area in the boys' dorm converts into a cafe where people come to hang out, socialise and have some food. There is a kitchen area where milk shakes, paninis, waffles, cappuccinos, etc. are served.

In a moment of weakness (or insanity, however you wish to view it) I agreed to help out.

Now I pray that I won't kill anybody with the food I serve...I am on my way to domestication *gasps in horror*

By the way, the filming session went well yesterday evening. We just sat around, ate biscuits, drank juice and chatted about movies, horrible food and psychotic primary school teachers while the camera poked itself into our faces. And we got paid £30 at the end of an hours' worth of something I normally do with my friends anyway!

Nothing to it. Is this my first step to a career in Hollywood?

my life has become a sudden cycle of neverending stuff to do...

1. am still in the process of packing 75 boxes of college promotional material to be sent to the States. Doesn't help that there are very specific instructions as to how the boxes should be packed. You need a degree to know how to pack those things!

2. from a college where nothing happens, I am now in an institution where more than one interesting news event is happening in which I have to write an article about

3. have an assignment due for counselling class this thursday. hadn't realised the deadline was this near. ended up spending the whole of yesterday writing my assignment. at least it's done.

4. I NEED A JOB FOR NEXT YEAR!!!! Have been furiously sending in my CVs and filling up application packs for organisations all over the place...still haven't heard nothing back yet. Is my email working??

Have a filming session this evening. Haha. Sounds like a famous movie star. It's some church thing and they needed some extras and are paying £30 each. Hey, sounds like easy money to me to sit around for 2 hours pretending to look intelligent...

Kind of long, but it's worth it. A rather accurate depiction of the Christian walk...brought tears to my eyes.

I finally watched the Phantom of the Opera in a London West End theatre yesterday afternoon. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I had my hesitation initially because I had fallen in love with the original soundtrack by Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman. I was afraid I would be disappointed since this musical would not be performed by the original cast.

Far from it.

I was astounded, caught breathless, amazed, enriched and utterly awe-struck. The cast was fantastically talented, the props and costumes lavish, the songs and music perfect. What more can I say except that it was well worth a mere 15? And because the theatres were so small, as all London theatres are, even though I had a grand circle ticket (the 2nd cheapest ticket available), the actors weren’t mere dots in the distance. I could actually see the expressions on their faces. And I strongly believe that is the way it should be with theatre shows. Kept to a small number of people and yet accessible to the common man (and woman).

The musical was everything I imagined it to be and more. Having read the original story, listened to the soundtrack countless times, and exposed to various marketing/promotional items, I thought I had gained a pretty clear picture of how the musical would be. I was so wrong.

The sets were far better than I imagined it to be. The two scenes that impressed me the most were when the Phantom brought Christine to his home far below the opera house, how the stage director created a very realistic impression that they were descending into the depths and rowing through a lake, and of course, the famous chandelier scene.

The direction was fantastic. At various times, it honestly felt like we were part of the audience in the opera house in which the Phantom haunts. The Phantom terrorised us from behind, from above, from everywhere. It was an extremely rich experience, a truly magical moment and literally a dream come true for me.

there are some perks to this job. i leave for Cornwall tomorrow morning with 89 other students for a weekend retreat at the Adventist campsite in Chapel Porth. The best bit of it all is that in exchange for being a photographer, I get to go on the trip for free! Woohoo!

really looking forward to visiting Tintagel, the believed birthplace of my dear King Arthur...yes, I am obsessed with the King Arthur legends. How can anyone not be?? (ok, don't answer that question)

right. time to get back to work. i am actually really busy today. surprise surprise.

i am working in a mad house. less than 15mins ago...

1. my boss and another colleague were doing a strange aerobic-dance routine to this really lively Mexican music

2. my other colleague was pottering around with a jug of milk looking extremely lost

3. my computer crashed 3 times in a matter of 3 hours

you can tell we get a lot of work done in this office...

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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isn't technology just fantastic? have been offline for the last few days coz the internet crashed, and now even though I'm able to surf, MSN messenger is somehow not responding to anything i do.

recently took up a counselling course. one of the few perks of working here is that i get to attend a class for free. And since the counselling class fits perfectly into my schedule, (one evening per week for 3.5 hours) why not? So after 9 months, I'm studying again. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep away from study for too long...

attended a rather interesting talk on Saturday afternoon. Did you know that the Seventh-day Adventist Church actually has a representative in the UN? Dr. Jonathan Gallagher came by to give a talk on the UN and Religious Freedom, have to say it was rather interesting. On top of it, the office in New York takes on interns every year, the next one starting in March/May 2004. Guess who is considering it?

It's not just the reputation of the UN, it's the thought of working in an environment where basic human rights are fought for, where I will be able to stand for what I believe and share it with the rest of the world. It's working for my beliefs without compromising my principles. Only catch...it's a volunteer position again...can I really afford it?

I'm tired of living on a volunteer stipend. I want a career. I want a proper job with real money. I want to be able to get my own place, live the life I want to live and not be dependent on the mercies of some institution that refuse to part with a stipend that's rightfully mine, a stipend that hardly pays for anything in the first place.

Although truthfully speaking, I would rather be volunteering with the UN office than here, and I have been asked to return for another year...

why do people change? why do we have this constant shifts in personalities, thoughts, ideas, principles that almost always ends up with lost friendships or bittersweet tears? we move on, and suddenly, when we look back, we realise we have left key people in our lives behind. Either because they have remained where we left them, or have taken a different direction altogether.

Walking the path of life can be so lonely sometimes, dotted only with temporary fellow travellers. You want a relationship to remain, to stay constant, but the only thing that is constant is change. And no two people ever go through the same change...

today i mourn the loss of a dear sweet friend. not because he has left the land of the living, but because he no longer is the person he used to be. it breaks my heart to see him now. he used to be so caring, so thoughtful, so sweet. He still is I guess, coz when I'm with him, I still see glimpses of the old him. But he is now on a different pathway of life...a path where only the toughest survive, a path where even friends put each other down instead of support, a path where one hides behind a mask of sarcasm, cynicism and general meanness just to avoid one's own unhappiness...

My weekend at Portsmouth was absolutely boring. First off, it was some kind of church conference meeting, so I got a whole bunch of pastors and important church workers sitting around in an auditorium congratulating themselves on increasing church membership, planting more churches, etc. etc. Which in itself is great, don't get me wrong. It's good to hear that the church is growing and that people are being converted and that church leaders are doing a great job...it just isn't my cup of tea. If there's one thing I learnt from my weekend, it was that I don't think I'm made for working for the church. Going for conferences like that will kill me.

Pat, bless her heart, realised I was bored out of my wits and gave me Saturday afternoon off to wander around Portsmouth by myself. I loved it. Been too social lately and to be able to walk around a strange place by myself, where nobody knows me, where every corner I turn I see something new was a fantastic experience. I really felt revived, after beeing surrounded by familiar people and faces 24/7 for the last few weeks, it was great to be by myself.

Unfortunately, Portsmouth wasn't a terribly scenic place....the harbourside was alright, nothing special and the whole area was too industrial for me. The only highlight was probably Charles Dickens' birthplace, but the main problem is....I DON'T LIKE CHARLES DICKENS. And I'm saying this not because of who he is, but coz I just don't understand what's so great about his books! I've read books with far better imagery, language and plots....his stories are just too.....convenient.

i'm going to Portsmouth in a few hours!!!

Was just asked yesterday evening if I wanted to go to Portsmouth to do some promotional work for the College over the weekend. Hey, free transport, free accommodation, free food...all I have to do is stand there, smile and answer questions...A free weekend at the beach. Why in the world would I say no?

Rick Warren - The Purpose Driven Life:

You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He was not at all surprised by your birth. In fact, he expected it…God prescribed every single detail of your body.

He deliberately chose your race, the colour of your skin, your hair, and every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way he wanted it. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality…God also planned where you’d be born and where you’d live for his purpose. Your race and nationality are no accident.

God left no detail to chance. He planned it all for his purpose…Nothing in your life is arbitrary. It’s all for a purpose. Most amazing, God decided how you would be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn’t matter whether your parents were good, bad, or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom “you” he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you.

While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. Many children are unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God. God’s purpose took into account human error, and even sin.

I've always wondered why I was born in Singapore and not Europe or something like that. More often than not, I have wondered why I was born the race I was. I wasn't happy because I wanted to be living in some Western country since that is where the mass media is at its most developed and most interesting...and yet, everything was God planned. Why am I dissatisfied with what God provided for me?

My blend of Asian and Western influence, coupled with my passion for writing and the mass media has a purpose. There is a reason why I was born the way I am (sarcastic, cynical and all), in the environment I am in...I will no longer wonder why, I will no longer complain. I will no longer be afraid as to what my future holds. Or at least I'll try not to.

I am content. I am at peace.

guess what!?!?! after more than a whole month, I got my write-up on Paris done!!!

Disclaimer: it's reallly long, so don't attempt to read it unless you have the time to do so! You can read it here.

i got a postcard from orlando bloom today. it was a Pirates of the Caribbean promo postcard with his photo on it. this is what it said:

Dearest love,

I am lonely at sea, the water here is tasteless & the girls on board are too dark. It's terrible without you...I fear I shall dehydrate...

missing you terribly,

love, Orlando Bloom

written in pink pen, and filled with love heart shapes no less...strangely, it had a Singapore stamp on it...

*sigh* I'm in love....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

am extremely flattered. afraid i can't deliver, but flattered nonetheless.

i got approached to help out with this new format saturday afternoon worship thingy happening at college. someone recommended me saying that i'd do a fantastic job with powerpoint presentations. so now i'm going to be in charge of coming up with inspirational, artistic, thematic, what-have-you powerpoint presentations every saturday arvo. honestly am still not entirely sure what it's all about, but i know that i agreed to help, and so now i've jumped into the deep end of the water. just hope i'd be able to do a good job. our first meeting is this evening, so i guess i'd know more details soon.

other than that...yesterday was extremely busy with registration. today hasn't been any better, but thankfully, despite the busyness, i'm not feeling stressed or anything. It's a good kind of busy. A kind of busy in which I know I'm being productive.

Scotland, by the way, was absolutely amazing. We drove more than a thousand miles in 4 days but it was just simply fantastic. The breathtaking scenery, hills, trees, lakes, castle ruins, sheep....not a single mile went by without me going "oh wow". It's a beautiful beautiful country...

darn tagboard and its technical issues. it better get resolved by the time i'm back from Scotland. (miss getting love notes from celebrities)

nothing much to add...i'm more or less spiralling down towards depression again, Kristin and Maya would know why...although like before, i'm equally sure that i'll spring back up and am also aware that God is with me. Only thing is, it is so hard. But hey, lessons are learnt the best when it hurts. i'll get over it. the sun still shines...

...and i leave for Scotland tomorrow morning! (hopefully i'll more or less cheer up by then)

now, this doesn't happen very often. Was talking to one of the deans for the dorms yesterday and he suddenly looked at me and asked, "Did you get married recently?"

Caught totally off-guard, I stared blankly at him and finally said, "To who?" (lame answer I know, but that question was a first for me.)

Anyway, once the whole misunderstand was cleared up, with me showing him my lack of a ring no less, he told me that there was a wedding a few weeks ago and he saw me all dressed up. He put 2 and 2 together and got 5.

I leave it up to you to come up with the moral of the story.

having a gloriously boring day. Staff meeting day today...started at 9am, and looks set to go on all the way till 6pm. At least we have an extended 1.5hours lunchbreak. Whoopeee!!! *rolls eyes* Been sitting in a corner twiddling my thumbs, looking out the window at the leaves being blown by the wind the whole of this morning. Don't even try to ask me what the agenda was. Now, I have to go back and sit there for another 4 hours.

I'm going in prepared this time....I'm bringing in with me....drum roll please....The Gormenghast Trilogy Quite an interesting book, although it has taken me about 3 months to get to where I am now (which is less than a third of the book finished). Rather vivid Gothic imagery, very bleak and dark, and it's one of those books where you can put it down, forget about it for weeks, pick it up again and continue reading without much problem. Which was my case, that's why I'm taking months to finish it. By the way, there are 953 pages....which makes it similar in size to The Lord of the Rings, which is another book that I have yet to finish, and with the fact that it's currently lying on my bed in Singapore....I don't think I'm going to be finishing it till at least next year.

And before I forget, will be leaving this coming Friday morning for Scotland. Won't be back till Tuesday. So don't think that I've been abducted by aliens...AGAIN. Will be a Mini adventure. Driving up with Fanja, Adrian and Lynn in Adrian's Mini Cooper...going to be interesting, how we're all gonna fit.

Alright, time to continue my torment....

another weekend…except this one is going to be vastly different. Kristin’s enjoying Australia but suffering in Avondale with assignments (hee!), Nat’s somewhere in America right now dealing with troubled kids from Detroit, Nathan’s probably just landed in Canada and Cydknee leaves Saturday night to get married in Germany (she says no, but we all say yes, so there.)

Of course, I’ve still got a bunch of friends left to keep my company, but so many significant people gone…I really hate saying goodbyes. It seems that on the day in 2000 when I stepped on the plane to leave for Australia was the beginning of all my goodbyes.

Why do we always meet people, give them a piece of our emotional being, only to have to be separated again?

Why do I constantly subject myself to making temporal friendships that last only a year?

Why do I have to either leave friends behind, or get left behind, only to miss them terribly and be able to contact them only through emails and the odd phonecall?

Why do we never get used to saying goodbyes?

I miss you guys…all those in Singapore whom I’ve known for a huge part of my life, those in Australia whom I’ve drawn close to over the last three years, and all the others in various part of the world who have in one way or other touched my life in unspeakable ways.

This has gotta be one of the weirdest conversation I've had on MSN.

Maya: i didnt know it was so hard to search for a flight that goes to puerto rico. must take flight to miami and then to puerto rico.
Mel: you're going to puerto rico?!?!?!
Maya: OMG, it is SGD 2072. SO BLOODY EXPENSIVE
Mel: tell ricky (Martin, the Latino singer who was in Singapore for a concert, which Maya went to, which is the reason for her obsession....actually, the obsession started a long time ago....) to pay for it man
Maya: if i go to puerto rico i have to stay on the streets
Mel: why?
Maya: bec with 2000odd SGD gone on airfare, what would I eat or sleep with??
Mel:save up for it
Maya: besides Ricky
Mel: you can sell your body hahahahahahahahaha since you're already sleeping on the streets
Maya: only to him, not to others, hahahaha
Mel: Dear Ricky, I'm looking to sell my body. Would you want to buy it? Love Maya
Maya: dear maya, i don't want to. save it. love, ricky. PS i dun like fat gals
Maya: Dear Ricky, BUGGER OFF!!! Love, Maya
Mel: Dear Ricky, you're not that skinny yourself. Love Mel. p.s: watch your back, i know where you live and i have connections with the mafia
Maya: Dear Mel, I am married to the mob, love Ricky
Mel: Dear Ricky, aaaahhh..easier to kill you then! love mel
Maya: Dear Maya, FINE i will pay for everything u want in San Juan, Puerto Rico, love Rikcy
Mel: Dear Ricky, good boy. Can you pay for me too? love mel
Maya: Dear Mel, I would but Maya wants to be alone with me, so I am sorry I can't. Love, Ricky
Maya: But she said I can send you to Antartica
Mel: Dear Maya, some friend you are. Love Mel
Mel: Dear Ricky, if that's the case, it's fine with me. Just pay for my trip to Greece and MAKE SURE ORLANDO BLOOM IS THERE. love mel
Maya: ............................Sorry, was occupied there with Maya. What did u say?
Mel: Dear Ricky, the mob is after you....Love, Mel
Maya: News Report: A couple is found dead after a mob attack. Belived to be Ricky Martin and his gf Maya Kassim. Police are investigating the case. We will bring you more updates of this tragic case
Mel: St Peter: Ricky, for fornicating with both gays and gals, you go to hell. Maya...well, Maya...what are we supposed to do about you?
Maya: Erm, i m a Muslim so can you send me back to Earth? Oh and Ricky too. We want to atone for our sins. So we will get married, and THEN fornicate.

got mauled by a cat last night. so there i was sitting when this cat came by and started rubbing itself against my legs. started petting and stroking it while i was having Bible studies with Fanja. kind of got distracted and so stopped stroking it.

it went for my hand.

that wasn't when it mauled me tho. I got what it was getting at, so I continued stroking it. Then at one point of time when I stopped and got back to stroking it again, IT DREW BLOOD. There's a loooong scratch line on my palm near my thumb, as well as a smaller one on my little finger.

anyone up for BBQ cat??? *evil glint*

had a movie marathon on Saturday evening. Started at about 11pm and didn't finish till 8am the next day. Of course, when we started out we had at least 10 people, but by 8am there were only 2 who were awake.

Movies we watched:
1. Office Space - low budget not too bad comedy
2. Phonebooth
3. About Schmidt - starring Jack Nicholson...about a retiree and how he found meaning in life, so to speak. Slow movie, but great acting.

Now....PHONEBOOTH

This is one heck of an awesome movie. For its cinematography, for its dialogue, for its script, for the statements about life and society, for its Christian undertones, for its acting....everything about it is just fantastic. It is a film student's heaven, that's all I can say.

Those of you wondering, it stars Colin Farrell (unfortunate last name, but with a less than unfortunate face) as this PR guy who is also a chronic liar who doesn't give a damn about other people. He picks up a call in a phonebooth and the call's from a sniper who threatens to shoot him if he leaves the phonebooth. So practically THE ENTIRE MOVIE revolved around Colin in a phonebooth talking to the sniper. And amazingly, although there is only one scene, it still leaves you at the edge of your seat. Without revealing too much, all i have to say is that by the end of the movie, Colin redeems himself and the way he does it was P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L.

Really good movie. And honestly, the storyline, the script was more than well-written. Kudos to Phonebooth.

i went swimming yesterday. felt all good, finally going for some exercise....

swam a grand total of TWO laps and my arms and legs were screaming for mercy. Didn't help that I forgot my goggles which meant that I had to swim with my head above water, something that I am totally bad at. Tried swimming underwater, but when I emerged and opened my eyes, my contact lenses kind of did a rotation around my eyeball, so I thought going underwater again may be a bad idea.

whatever happened to strength, endurance, fitness?!?! I am hopelessly pathetic...

Don't plan anything strenuous, put suncream on the children and keep your bottled water handy. Britain will bake. The Independent, 5 August

"Bookmakers are sweating on what could be a large payout if thermometers top 100F (37.8C). Ladbrokes have cut their odds from 33-1 to 2-1 and Warren Lush, the company’s spokesman, said: 'This is the biggest weather gamble we have seen, double that of 1976. We are getting a bit nervous and doing rain dances because we stand to lose a six-figure sum if it hits 100.'" Times Online article excerpt

Also on BBC news yesterday evening, they were giving out tips on how to keep cool...advice like eat little, but often; drink lots of water, etc.

1. Coming from Singapore where weather like this is the norm, and also from Australia where summer heat hits 40C, I'm finding it highly amusing that advice like these are dished out on national news, and newspapers.

2. Weather gambling?!?! Rain dancing?!?!?

Only in England, only in England...

Still, it doesn't excuse the fact that it is stinking hot, the office has no air-conditioning and is killing me, and I was certainly not expecting Singapore weather in wet and grey England!

"Did the fact ever cross your mind that you are here in this world just to understand the Lord Jesus Christ, and for no other reason? - George MacDonald, from Dr Larry Crabb's book Finding God

My time here in England as a volunteer has served its purpose.

I had grandoise dreams when I first arrived in England as a "missionary". True, I knew I was going to go into a PR job, but I still dreamt of me doing great things for God. I would make an impact on this world. Or Newbold at least. I would share my faith with folks, and as a "true missionary" I would cause them to want to know God more.

Oh how greatly I was mistaken. Oh how greatly I was working by my own definition of serving God.

That, together with several other frustrations with the environment here, led to a major depression. "Why am I here?", "What purpose am I serving?"...questions about my volunteer position, but reflecting the greater question "What is the meaning of life?"

I struggled. I floundered. I got upset with God. I wanted to give up. Give up my volunteer position, give up God, and at a point, give up living.

Yet, God never left me. He was constantly at the back of my mind whispering "I'm still here Mel. Just give me a chance and it will all make sense. Have faith my child. Trust..." To cut a long story short, I returned to His ever-open arms, and returned I did, with an embrace as I had never given before.

Looking back, my relationship with God has been taken into a whole new level this year. I have more faith in Him, I love Him so much more...and I've come to realise that nothing, and I mean nothing else in this world matters except to find my God.

My time here in England as a volunteer has served its purpose. My time here on Earth has a purpose.

may not be updating blog for a while as am still trying to orientate myself, as well as give myself time to grieve.

1. Kristin left for Avondale on Wednesday
2. Going to Paris has amounted in a rather massive amount of pile-up at work that I have to sort out (yes, I do occassionally work)
3. Ruth's 10 year wedding anniversary blessing thingy this Sunday
4. Nat's leaving Monday
5. Nathan's leaving the Thursday after next
6. Cydknee leaves the day after Nathan

All my friends are leaving me!!!!!! Excuse me while I wail...but I will still be writing about my adventures in Paris. As soon as I clean up the disgusting mess that is my room.

I had a hair cut! It feels great to longer have those fried ends on my hair! Of course, since Kristin's the one who actually cut my hair, it isn't the best hair cut I've ever had. But hey, she did a pretty decent job and with curly hair, it goes pretty much unnoticed!

i am not dead yet. but it is now past midnight and i had just got back and am really tired. will write more very soon coz i'm at the point of delirium.

p/s: the reason for my disappearance - i have been in Paris for the last 5 days...

my highlight for the weekend: I got a TV in my room!!!!!! Now I can officially become a hermit, stay in my room all day and watch TV!!!!

Oh. Wait a minute. British TV. Horrid programming...maybe not...

i thought that the writing talent in Singapore is virtually non-existent, but Mr Brown has definitely changed all that. Trust me, he's funny, he writes well and he captures the essence of Singapore perfectly (read: lots of satire and sarcasm).

A taster (heading: from the pages of TODAY (friday, 18 july 2003) by mrbrown.)

Thanks Faith!!

Who Needs Napster/Kazza When You've Got Google? thanks Davezilla

Here’s a great trick: How to find free hidden MP3s. A lot of people store their MP3s on unsecured directories, not realizing that they are connected to a web server. It’s pretty easy to track them down.
Go to Google.

In the search box, type: index apache mp3 matchbox twenty.
Obviously, you are going to replace matchbox twenty with the band or song you are hunting for. That’s it!

my socks came back. and before any of you think it's coz i had stashed them behind a pile of whatnots, that's not how my socks returned. Herewith I present to you the tale of THE RETURN OF THE RAINBOW COLOURED SOCKS...

It was about 9pm, the sun was just beginning to set, and Kristin and I were sitting on my bed chatting. We were seated in such a way that my view of the window was blocked but Kristin had a full view of the window. Now let me also add the fact that my room is on the ground floor so that things don't sound too weird later.

Anyway, I was saying something when Kristin all of a sudden went "Yikes!" and then I heard sounds like as if someone was trying to break into my room through the window, and the next thing I knew I saw one pair of my lost socks come rolling on the floor towards me. At about the same time, Kristin exclaimed "socks!"

We both stared at each other in shock and amazement for a while before we both scrambled out of bed and tried to look out the window as to who it was. All Kristin saw was the figure of a guy wearing a black T-shirt turning a corner. Not enough for me to hunt down the culprit. Although I have a suspicion as to who it was...

To get back to what Kristin actually saw just before she went "Yikes!", she was looking out the window when suddenly she saw a very, in her words, "hairy arm" go through the slit of my window, into my room and fling something into my room. It gave her a shock of course, and she never saw the rest of the body belonging to the arm. All she saw was the arm, and then socks came flying into my room.

And that's how my socks came back to me...I'm happy. I really did miss those socks. Although I have since recieved 4 more pairs of socks as birthday presents since last night. Now I have one for each day of the week!!

On another note, am extremely flattered. I was featured on Faith's website!!

Oxford City - 15 July 2003

OXFORD CITY - 15 JULY 2003

I felt alive in Oxford. My first experience with Oxford was on a bus, travelling through the city centre to Headington (5mins out of Oxford), where CS Lewis stayed. Even though I was in the bus, the vibrancy of the place still managed to touch me and I knew I had come home.

The numerous bookshops that lined the narrow two lane High Street, the funky clothes shops, the huge amount of people milling on the streets and crossing the road without care…the culture, the spirit, the atmosphere. My heart sang and my soul felt revived. The historically rich university city with its many Gothic buildings, where thoughts and ideas met and flourished, a place where intellectual activities were encouraged and embraced – it made me feel alive.

The funniest thing of all was the fact that I experienced all these while on the bus. It could have just been my wild imagination and my idealistic nature, but I honestly felt an immediate bond with Oxford. We were on our way to a CS Lewis pilgrimage, an author I totally admire, but I was really looking forward to returning to the city centre to actually walk the streets of Oxford and soak up everything.

But firstly, we had to do the most important thing – visit the grave of Lewis. The only problem was, we knew that his grave, his house and the church he worshipped in are in Headington, but we had no idea where specifically. To make things even more interesting, we didn’t even have a map. All we had were the names of the church and his house, and a one paragraph sentence on how to get to church.

Despite that, we jumped on the bus, asked the bus driver to let us know when we arrived in Headington and lo and behold! We stopped right outside the Six Bells pub. What are the chances of that? From church, we end up in front of a pub. As luck would have it though, there were two guys sitting outside the pub who knew exactly where we were going, and the church was actually only a 3 mins walk from the pub!

The Holy Trinity Church is a really small country church, with lots of tombstones surrounding it. Try finding one person’s grave. Nat, Kristin and I split up to look for his grave and stumbled upon a sign that said CS Lewis’ grave and pointed in a general left direction. So we walked in the general left direction, home of at least 50 graves. Not much help there.

There were some old folks there though who we later found were actually transcribing what was writing on the tombstones. Nat and I were walking towards one of the old man when he looked at us and rather sternly indicated that we should turn around. Honestly. I thought we were being told off then for desecrating holy ground or something. But then he finally added, “it’s on your right.”. He was actually telling us we had passed Lewis’ grave!!

Kristin went mad when she saw the grave. Somewhat along the lines of how I reacted when I first saw the Colosseum in Rome. But honestly, it was amazing. It took a while for it to sink in that I was standing by the grave of such an influential, prolific and amazing author who had touched the lives of so many people around the world. For such a creative author, he had a really simply grave.

We just sat around the grave in silence, each lost in our own thoughts and then finally decided to do the touristy thing. Out come the cameras. Photos taken, we had to go into the church in which he worshipped and see the famous Narnia window. The church interior was really plain and simple, with wooden beams and cement pillars. Where he sat was even more interesting.

His seat was situated right next to a window on the left side of the church and the view he got…well, let’s just say if he looked straight ahead, all he could see was a cement pillar. I honestly have no idea where he chose to sit there, and remain sitting there.

Finding his house was actually more of a lucky break for us than anything else. It just so happened that the old folks transcribing the tombstones knew where he lived and managed to give us directions. Honestly, without it, we would have been hopeless lost. Not that we knew where we were going in the first place, since the only thing we had to work from was that his house, “The Kilns”, was 15 mins away from church.

Unfortunately for us, they were holding seminars in his house when we were there. One of the helpers did very kindly let us into his study as well as give us a glance of the dining room though. Then she told us about this lake that Tolkien (yes, Mr Lord of the Rings himself) helped Lewis clear just behind the house.

Happily, we trooped off towards the lake, only to be utterly horrified and disappointed. It was a rather huge lake, true. But it was d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g. It was dirty and smelly. Nevertheless, we sat by it and had our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Yes, we’re crazy.

Getting back to the city from Headington turned out to the most aggravating affair ever. Firstly, please note that it was blistering hot that day. Yes, I hear you say “Hot in England?”, but believe me, it was VERY sunny and VERY hot. I’ve since gotten browner because of walking in the sun the whole of yesterday.

Anyway, there was this bus-stop about 2 mins from the street on which The Kilns was on and we had actually ran to the bus-stop after the bus. We were so proud that we managed to catch the bus, only to have the stupid bus driver chase us off because although the bus was eventually heading towards the city, it was going by this other suburb in which the price of our ticket did not cover. We therefore had to walk in the stinking hot weather, with the sun shining into our eyes, for almost 30mins before we finally found a bus-stop in which the bus driver was willing to let us on. I honestly have no idea how the public transport system in England works.

Oxford City was, well, is amazing. They don’t call it the city of the dreaming spires for nothing. The academic buildings, and as you might have expect were numerous, all had Gothic architecture, with weird and bizarre gargoyles hanging on its walls. Well-manicured lawns, College shields, Latin phrases…they were aplenty in Oxford.

Walking down the streets, I can just imagine the famous writers from the past doing just the same. I even got to see the shop that Alice (of Alice in Wonderland fame) frequented to by sweets! I mean, to be in the very same place where all these brilliant authors…I realise that Oxford has also produced a great many other minds in the fields of sciences, math, law and what have you, but seeing that I’m a writer, I’m going to only focus on the authors. I really am finding it really hard to describe, but I am just absolutely awe-struck to be in a town overflowing with intellectual activity.

To get a glimpse of the colleges these authors resided in, some who actually studied there. To see the buildings that inspired the authors – we saw Radcliffe Camera, apparently Tolkien decided that this building, which is part of the Bodleian Library, looks like Sauron's temple to Morgoth on Nümenor.

And the Bodleian Library! Geesh! Never actually got to see the books. But I most certainly saw photos. Floor to ceiling of shelves and shelves of ancient books…gosh, I would actually be content to stay in there all day staring, fingering, reading the books.

We tried to find Tolkien’s grave as well. But seeing that we had a really useless map, we walked for close to an hour in the hot sunshine but was never able to even get a glimpse of what looked remotely like a cemetery. By the time we finally gave up, we could hardly walk, and were all dying of thirst.

Convenient excuse to step into the Eagle and Child pub, the very same pub in which a group of famous authors called The Inklings (Lewis and Tokien included) gathered to share extracts from stories they’ve written. It was your typical British pub (now, this is no indication that I frequent pubs) but its famous link just made it really special for us.

I know there is just so much more of Oxford that I have not seen. The walk by the River Thames, the parks, many more Colleges…but what I have seen was enough to make me fall in love with the place. Rome may be my favourite city in the world, but Oxford city just does something to my heart…

someone stole my socks. I can't believe it. SOMEONE STOLE MY TWO FAVOURITE PAIRS OF SOCKS!! The gall of it all!!!! if anyone sees someone wearing ankle-length rainbow coloured socks around Newbold, kindly tackle them to the ground and rip the socks off their feet. We can listen to their explanations later.

My thought on this issue: KILL FIRST, ASK LATER.

there will be no mercy...not when it comes to my fave socks. Especially when as a result, I no longer have any summer socks and it'd be ridiculous to wear thick winter socks right now when it's blistering hot in England!!

Earlier this afternoon, these two guys from the Maintanence Department come into the office grinning. Ruth starts asking them to what did we owe the pleasure and the next thing I knew, they burst out into their own rendition of Happy Birthday. It was hilarious. On top of that, my present from them consisted of a light bulb and 4 finger puppets. Crazy guys....

Then got brought to this Thai restaurant by my colleagues and boss for my birthday lunch....only to find Nat and Kristin there as well. Had a great lunch, although food tasted suspiciously like Chinese, not Thai. Was also given a really cool orange top bought in Italy, and this orange bag. Yup, I sense a theme here...but I love the gifts.

Time to get off work!! Am taking tomorrow off to go to Oxford with Kristin for our CS Lewis/JRR Tolkien pilgramage...

A revelation from God (which I should have realised earlier, but somehow didn't):

Had been wallowing in self-pity because I didn't get the Avondale job and was absolutely crushed. The main thing that disappointed me was the fact that without the job, I would most probably have to return to Singapore at the end of the year. I don't want that. I really don't want to spend "the rest of my life" in Singapore. And then God more or less slapped me.

Ever since I found God in 1999, I have been praying "I give my life up to you God. Let me do whatever is your will." It all worked out great! God led me to Avondale, Australia, then to England...I had no need to complain. I was leaving the country and seeing the rest of the world - something I had always wanted to do. Hurrah!

Then now, without the Avondale job, it seems that God has shut the door and is wanting to me to return to Singapore. I fight with all my might against that. I get devastated and think all my dreams are crushed. I get depressed. I cried. And then God spoke.

What happened to giving my life up to God? What if it is God's will that I return to Singapore? Why am I fighting it so? Am I going back on my prayer? All the while, my dreams had coincided with God's will and that's why I believe that doing God's will has been great. And then suddenly, when I'm supposed to return to Singapore, which may be God's will, I protest. I forget that doing God's will sometimes means doing things that you're initially reluctant to.

I'm at peace now. If it's God's will that I return to Singapore. Let it be so. I don't like the prospect, but I promised to do God's will. And I'm hanging on to the promise that God is not going to let me do something I hate, or let me lead a life I'd rather not. I can't see it now. But I sincerely believe that wherever God leads, I'd be happy. He's led me this far, I've been given the opportunity to see two different continents, I really don't have much to complain about.

Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birrrthday to Meeeee, Happy Birthday to Me

Am actually surprised by the number of people who know/remember my birthday. Not complaining...hee hee

Hurt Before - The Corrs

She's a girl in a world
She's moving as fast as she goes
Loves her mom and her dad
The only secure that she knows
But at night she's alone
She's dreaming of somebody new
Her someone for to hold
She's praying the dream will come true

Show me the way
Show me, show me how
Help me, be brave
For love
Show me the way
Show me, tell me how
What do you say?

There's a pain in her heart
She's trying so hard to unwind
Makes her cry in the night
When visions so real make her blind
Wants to break through the fear
Erasing the scars from the pain
Start a new kind of being
She's down and she's praying again

Show me the way
Show me, show me how
Help me, be brave
For love
Show me the way
Show me, tell me how
What do you say?

You see she's
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
Stepping outside with body and soul
Taking whatever future holds
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
You're taking the stride, you're just twenty-five
You know we've all been hurt before

[Violin Solo]

You see she's
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
Stepping outside with body and soul
Taking whatever future holds
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
You're taking the stride, you're just twenty-five
You know we've all been hurt before
We've all been hurt before
See you're not alone, no
You're not alone

am slowly spiralling down towards depression. still wanting to trust that God's got something better in plan, but yet am feeling rather lost, confused, upset, and resigned. can't wait for Kristin to arrive tomorrow morning. At least I'd have one of my friends who truly understands me with me.

excuse me while I wallow in self-pity...

With regards to my Avondale job application:

Dear Melody

Thank you for your letter. Unfortunately for you, Heather has 6 years experience and ha 2 BA degrees which put her on top of the list.

Hope you find something you will love. I have just sent you your letter on Tuesday.

What more can I say? I didn't get the job. Back to the old drawing block. Feel that all my doors are being closed now, but I guess as Maya told me yesterday, I'm sure there are windows being opened. I am disappointed, I can't say I'm not. I really wanted that job. But I'm hanging on to my faith, knowing that God is going to provide something far better for me. (He'd better!! :o))

Go to google, type in:
weapons of mass destruction and click I'm Feeling Lucky

A letter I received at work from Zambia: (in response to this letter we send out to prospective students inviting them to come stay at the College for free for 2 nights to see the College for themselves.)

Dear Sir,

I would like to thank you most sincerely for your letter I received dated 10th June 2003. I greatly appreciate and I like coming to Newbold College for two days and two nights. I realise that education is the key to my success, therefore, I see it worthy to come there and see for my self.

Now the only problem I have is that, I am actually a vulnerable person, no parents hence in my first writing I applied for scholarship and understood it from another perspective that I can be offered sponsorship to be in College.

After offering me two nights free accommodation and free meals, I would be pleased if you send me an air ticket to and from so that please I can see for myself.

I am willing to do whatever except breaking the law of God for me to study from there.

er....how am I supposed to reply the letter??? Especially since obviously we can't provide him with an airticket...

Only in America......

Dear Shimona,

I forgot to mention that I finally completed all 5 levels of this ridiculous game last week, when I'm supposed to be working. Thank you for distracting me ;o)

Those of you wondering...the aim of the game: look for little coloured men and click on them.

With regards to grandma...Lyn is looking for another room for her, because it's getting ridiculous that grandma has to determine when I have a shower, when I have my music on, and to a certain extent when I go to bed! I believe that in the majority of countries in the world, I am legally an adult, so why the heck am I still being treated like a child! Thank goodness they haven't decided to give me a curfew. That would be horrid.

Oh, and I found the lyrics to the song!!!

Latest update on grandma: she complained to my friend Lyn, the assistant dean, saying that she "needs peace, and can't get it here because there's music going on in Melody's room at 2 in the morning."

What I'm wondering is...how can there be music going on in my room at 2 in the morning, when I was asleep by 1am yesterday. Unless I sleepwalk and have parties in my room that even I don't know about, I think Grandma is hallucinating. Not only that, even if I happen to have music at that hour in the morning, it's usually easy-listening songs turned down extremely low because I like to relax at that time! Grandma either has supersonic hearing, or is hearing voices in her head.

Not only that, Grandma has been complaining that the dean does nothing to basically keep me in line. She told the head dean, who only laughed in her face. She told Lyn, and then added that Lyn does nothing coz Lyn's my friend. Lyn told Grandma to "go back home" this morning. Which is unbelievable because Lyn is just about the sweetest girl on earth who wouldn't tell anybody something that mean.

Grandma is beginning to grate on everybody's nerves...

Dear Melody,

I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected for an interview for the position of Temporary Programme Producer. An appointment has been made for you on Thursday, 17th July 2003.

I'm ecstatic. Finally, I can say that there is nothing wrong with my resume and that I am able to get an interview based on my application. Helps the self-esteem. Besides, it's with UCB - Christian radio programming. Something that I've been doing for the last 2 years. Something that I believe in. And yet, there's something nagging at me.

1. It's a temporary position. What happens to me after the term ends? Would it be more worth it for me to stay here instead?

2. It'll cost me £30 and 8 hours to travel up there and return. That's just the train ride to Stoke-on-Trent. I don't even know how to actually get to the place itself. Is it worth it to go through so much for an interview for a position that I'm not even sure I want?

3. What about the Avondale job? Granted, I'm not sure if I'll get it, but if I do, why should I even spend so much to go for this interview? And I have no idea when will I hear about the results of my application to Avondale.

I'm thoroughly confused. Ruth has advised me to go for the interview, just to get the experience...but I don't know. I'm scared - being shaken out of one's comfort zone isn't a pleasant affair. It's time to start praying...

what's up with my and psycho roommates (well, technically we don't live in the same room, but share the bathroom)?!?!?!?! First, there's that grumpy Croatian girl who slips me threatening notes from under the door coz she's too afraid to even talk to me in the face....then there were the two men who tried to break into my room through the bathroom door...and now I have Grandma, and she seriously just incites homicidal tendencies in me. this is ridiculous! Beginning to think that the dean hates me and that's why she puts psychotic people in the room next to mine.

Grandma has been locking me out of the bathroom ever since she arrived coz she forgets to unlock the door whenever she finishes her, ahem, business. But it's not as if I can't unlock the door from my side. It's highly inconvenient, but it could be done. I forget to do it once, and Grandma WAITS UP for me till 2 in the morning, and tells me off. I tell her she does the same to me as well and she denies everything. I try to show her that she can unlock the door from her side and she tells me never to lock the door when I use the bathroom. I figured, she's 72, I'll respect her wishes and so we left it at that.

The next day, Nat happened to be in my room and wanted to take a shower. She locks the door, and Grandma actually UNLOCKED the door to tell her off. I mean honestly!?!? Nat was half-naked for goodness sake! Nat told her that she's locked my side of the door all the time and Grandma denies everything and decides to take the offensive by asking, "What are you doing here anyway? Do you live here?"

And then I find out from my friend, the assistant dean, that Grandma had complained to the dean that I had locked her out of the bathroom and has demanded to be moved. I wish she could. Problem is, all the rooms are full and she's got nowhere to go.

This morning, the dean comes up to me and tells me not to take showers after midnight because Grandma has complained AGAIN. That I wake her up whenever I shower and she can't get back to bed. What about the fact that she goes to the bathroom at unearthly hours and wakes me up? And the very fact that Grandma doesn't sleep that early anyway!?!?!

cydknee just hit me on the head coz she was ecstatic (something to do with getting hair extensions...) - the kind of abuse I have to put up with.

college has been invaded by group of giggly 16 year olds coz of summer school. VERY annoying. Also a sign of age as my friends and I are calling them kids and find them annoying, when we've only just passed our 20th birthdays not too long ago.

been watching waaayyy too many movies lately, but it's not as if I have anything much better to do - stayed up till almost 5am on Saturday night (we saw the sunrise!). Made some really good friends thanks to the fact that the "oldies" are now sticking together due to the invasion.

have a stalker in the form of a Japanese summer school student who does not possess the concept of personal space. not sure if i want to dwell on this coz he is really terrifying me. at least he only gets psycho when he sees me, so as long as I avoid him, I'm safe.

this is ridiculous. I have to go for this "Intro to Microsoft Excel" course this evening. That in itself is fine. Great that the office wants its employees to upgrade themselves. But surely, it's kind of defeating the purpose if your employee already knows how to use Excel!!! And the thing is for 2 hours!!! I spent one whole semester in College learning that stupid program. I'm the only one in the office who knows how to use Excel. I've been producing databases and charts and what have you since I arrived and still they're sending me on an Introduction to Excel course?!?!?! Explain to me the reasoning behind that.

And i can't get out of it. Pat, the only other person in an office of 5, is going as well, and she has blackmailed me emotionally. "You have to keep me company!" You really can't say no when an elderly lady who's been so nice to you since you've arrived plead with you like that...but I only promised I'll go and check it out and will leave if I find that it's not benefitting me at all.

Have already asked Fanja to come and pick me up halfway through the course. There is no way I'm going to be sitting in that classroom for two hours learning something I already know.

after being hounded about the latest on my "what the heck am I planning to do after this year" saga, I guess I should get off my lazy bottom and update my blog. I really am getting quite lazy lately. What is happening to me?!?!?! Must be the heat...it's been really hot here lately. Which is amazing. I never thought I'd get hot in England. Anyway...

Oh, need to digress for a while. Saw this really weird but amazing film called Donnie Darko last night and it's got the coolest website. It's about this guy who's more or less schizo, but then it's got time travel as well...it was just strange. But I think it was really well done, especially from a film student point of view. Not your typical blow 'em up Hollywood action flick - which is what makes it really good.

Back to my saga - I got a call this afternoon from this company with regards to my resume. I messed up. Ok this is what happened.

Him: "Hello Melody. I'm calling from Perfect Day with regards to your resume."
Me: "Oh, great! Hi."
Him: "So what exactly are you looking for?"
Me: Have no idea what he's talking about coz have no idea where he's from or when I sent the resume, which is my fault. I really should keep track of where I send my stuff "Sorry, where did you say you were calling from?"
Him: "Perfect Day."
Me: still have no idea what he's talking about "erm well, I'm actually looking for a job in the media."
Him: "Media?!?! The media?!?!? I think you've made a mistake, we're actually a consultancy firm."
Me: "Oh."
Him: "I guess we must have gotten your CV by mistake."
Me: "Yeah...I think so...."
Him: "Ok then, goodbye."
Me: "Goodbye."

As Maya would say....DUH

my hopes of working for Nat Geo have gone down the toilet :o( Got this from Kim McKay, VP of Marketing for Nat Geo, the lady Anna introduced me to:

Unfortunately NGCI does not have any job vacancies at the moment - if anything we're cutting back here in DC. I suggest you send your resume to NG's Human resources division - there's also a list of available positions posted on the website....By the way, do you have a work permit for the US? The only people who are 'transferred' and have visas sponsored are senior execs (it's quite a costly business) unless you have a green card.

Best wishes in your search and I'm sorry I don't have anything else to offer

1. I've sent in my resume to HR before...granted that was almost 2 years ago and my resume has changed drastically since then, but the biggest problem is
2. I have no work permit, and the chances of me getting a green card is next to nothing. Unless I start surfing websites like www.getanamericanhusband.com. Unfortunately, I don't think I want to work for National Geographic THAT badly.

Back to the old drawing block...my options have now gone down to 4 and I have this stinking feeling that I'm going to go to Avondale...

praying for you about your choices and God's direction too.

That's what my mom told me in her email to me this morning. She should have been given me fair warning BEFORE she started praying. No wonder I've suddenly been swamped with all these options. Tell me, what am I supposed to do:

1. Study MA (Communication) at Oxford
2. Teach English in Korea
3. Work with Nat Geo in Washington, DC - granted, I only sent in my resume which means I may not even get the job...
4. Look for a job in London/England
5. the lastest headache...I just got news that there's an opening at Avondale for a PR Coordinator. The position's for 3 years. And honestly, I am so tempted. I really miss Avondale, and so many of my friends are still there...it sounds perfect EXCEPT that it's working for the church, and I distinctively remember promising myself at the beginning of this year that I will NEVER work for the church again...

ARGHHHHH....when it rains, it pours...God knows how to have fun.

an update since Saturday: NOTHING HAPPENED. Hahaha....well, nothing thoroughly exciting at least. Not that I've had previous events that have been heart-stoppingly, breath-takingly, adrenaline-rushingly exciting. I finally wrote my cover letter and sent in my resume to National Geographic in Washington, DC. Am furiously praying now. Also sent in my resume to the Uni of Northampton for a Press Officer position, and am currently being hounded be a Korean pastor because he wants me to go teach English in Korea. Now, that thought had crossed my mind before, but the moment has since passed. If he caught me a few months ago, I might have said yes and jumped on the next plane to Korea. Now...I'm just faced with too many options. I'm still contemplating if I wanna do my MA (Communications) in Oxford next year. Argh! And I was complaining I had nothing to do after this year. When it rains, it pours. God loves a good laugh.

Oh, wrote something last night as well. Being on a volunteer scheme, the organisation that I'm with emails weekly newsletters featuring a particular volunteers to everybody under their scheme. Well, next week's gonna be my turn and so I was asked to write something yesterday. So being the good old obedient me, I wrote something:

A writer unable to write. Not because there’s nothing to write about, but because there’s simply too much to say. Six months have passed since I arrived at Heathrow Airport, excited and bright-eyed, to begin my year as a Marketing and PR assistant at Newbold College in King Arthur country – home of myths, legends and history.

The last six months spent in England have been absolutely incredible. My main duties at Newbold lay in writing news articles and promotional materials, skills I spent the last three years in Avondale College honing as I worked on a degree in Communication. It wasn’t quite work, since writing is literally an extension of who I am.

Of course, it wasn’t all sunshine and flowers. I have to be completely honest and say that there was the initial loneliness and ensuing depression, there was the frustration when I found out that things didn’t and wasn’t going to go the way I thought it would, there was the disappointment of being let down and left on my own and the unfortunate event of being taken for granted. Most devastatingly, there was the downhill walk with God…

I have to admit that the thought of giving up and leaving flashed through my mind on several occasions. And yet, this was where I knew God had led me, this was where I knew God wanted me to be and of course, there was the ongoing romance I had with England itself which meant that I was not going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers just because I lacked endurance and perseverance. So I stuck around, and at this point in time, I have to say that I had the most amazing six months of my life.

Being in England meant an easy access to so many different places, within Britain as well as all over Europe. I found out ways to travel unbelievably cheaply around Europe, which was great for my volunteer paycheck. I travelled like there was no tomorrow. Every weekend, I would find myself in a different location – Amsterdam, Venice, Bath, Sweden, Windsor, Rome…the list continued to grow. My passion for history and the arts was fuelled as I ran my fingers across ancient ruins, visited incredible museums and breathed in the electrifying atmosphere of London as I attended a few of its endless number of musicals and theatre shows.

And most amazing of all was how God never gave me up even though I was more than prepared to forget about Him. He would bring different people into my life who would gently nudge me towards the right direction with nothing more than their own love for Him. It wasn’t an overnight process, but one day while sitting in the fields in the south of France, contemplating and writing about life, I was suddenly filled with understanding and brought to a whole new level of faith in God.

Proverbs 3:5,6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.”

It used to be my favourite verse, and it was the only thing that I could think of that day. And with that new found trust and love for God, I was able to face whatever difficulties that came my way. And on top of it all, I would not have survived six months in Newbold without the support of family and friends who were consistently praying for me and being there for me.

Making the decision to live in England for a year has been amazing as I immersed myself into a completely new culture and was able to experience relationships with God, family and friends as I would never had. My England Tales continue…

and i was just complaining that i was about to go crazy due to the lack of people on campus. God really knows how to provide.

On my way to church this morning, I bumped into Fanza, whom I thought had returned to Paris for the summer holidays. Turns out that she did, but is actually now back and will be here for the rest of the holidays. But ended up going to this other church service instead because Cydknee's mom was singing. After service, got invited to Sophie's place for lunch, together with Cydknee and her family. That was absolutely brilliant. She had curry and roti and rice...and this never ending servings of ice-cream...yuuummmm.....

Stuffed my face full and was late for my mom's phonecall. Was rushing back to my room to call her when I got waylaid by Fanza, who was standing in front of the boys' dorm talking to this two guys, one of whom is Darren, this really nice Irish guy who works in maintenance. Anyway, they tried to convince me to go off to Virginia Waters with them, but I couldn't coz I had to call my mom. But they ended up convincing me that I should go call my mom, but make it a short phonecall and they'd wait for me before they took off.

Had a really fun time at Virginia Waters. Only knew Fanza and Darren, but there were 6 other folks there as well and we spent about 2 hours just walking, sitting and chatting. And in about 15mins, we're all going to go to Darren's place to watch DVDs and eat SEVEN TUBS OF HAAGAN DAZS ICE-CREAM. ooohhhh...i'm gonna get fat....but hey, at least I'm finally going to be around people! Yes!

darn it. just called Lidija. Coz of the holidays, she's at home more often now and so don't need me to clean her house today. There goes my £30. Damn. Curse the summer holidays. It's already driving me nuts because there's not a soul around and I'm craving to have people around me to talk to and now it's taken away my extra pocket money of £30 a week!

At least she said she'd need me to iron her clothes next Friday......

now i am seriously confused. Received this email from my ex-College lecturer this morning:

Melody--

Do you think you will want to take the MA in Communication at Oxford (Oxford Centre for Mission Studies) next year? I think it starts in March. If so, let me know and I will start asking for funds for your scholarship. It would be a good opportunity for you to catch a graduate degree and with good timing, too, only one year out of college. Hope to hear from you.

do i really want to study again? most importantly, can I afford it? True, there is a scholarship, but I'd have to pay for accommodation and living expenses and that would total almost £10,000 anyway. I don't have £10,000 but it's tempting, oh so tempting...argh, I hate it when I'm tempted with all these options...

am hit by a sudden wave of lack of motivation. i just don't feel like doing anything, including writing *gasps*. I have to do a write up on Sweden and Rome and probably Bristol (which happened TWO months ago) and i just don't feel like it. Would be helpful to write an article or two as well to submit to this mag and hopefully get some $$$, but I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

spent 4 mind-numbing hours last night condensing my 4 page resume into a 2 page one to send to National Geographic (Anna, my ex-boss from when I did an internship with Nat Geo Singapore gave me some contacts) and I feel completely dead. Have to work on a cover letter, as well as applications to other places, but I simply have no motivation. I just wanna sit in front of the computer, surf the web and read stuff. I don't even know why I'm blogging since I don't even feel like doing this. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't even feel like replying to my emails...

and I so badly need to scrub toilets tomorrow. I only have £20 to my name at the moment. But Lidija's not calling me back to let me know if she needs me!! Argh. Need money. Need motivation to apply for jobs that will give me money. Have no motivation = no money. No money = no motivation. Do I sense a sick sad cycle? Am rambling. Will stop now.

now, I haven't watched Hong Kong swordfighting movies in a long while and although I used to love it as a child, it doesn't appeal to me as much as it used to, or as much as Hollywood films do. Except recently, I'm actually beginning to miss them. Actually, I'm just getting sick of Hollywood films. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I watched Hero yesterday and it was rather good! The storyline/style isn't that original I guess, very much like Kurosawa's Rashômon and it would seem that Zhang Yimou (director) was trying very hard to cater to the American market, but ultimately, it was still good old HK swordfighting.

and also, I don't usually fancy Asian stars, well Asians, for that matter, but my goodness....Tony Leung is one sexy guy. He really is quite fanciable! And he looked soooooo good in the movie. (No, that wasn't why I watched the movie, although knowing that he was in it helped.) so excuse me while i escape into tony leung heaven...

stuffing envelopes kills the brain, stuffing envelopes kills the brain, stuffing envelopes kills the brain......

back!!!! never managed to go to Athens, but Rome was more than enough to take my breath away. 5 days and it sure ain't enough. I'm going back to Rome one day. It's on my list of fave cities....I absolutely love it.

Feeling really lazy right now, so will not write much. But will soon enough...in the meantime, will have to clean my room, do my washing and post out a few packages to friends and family...

am currently living in darkness. somehow, the electricity to my room has been cut off, so the lights in my room don't work at all, including the one in the loo. Thankfully, my desk lamp works (don't ask why) and so now I have to place the lamp on a chair and move the chair to illuminate whichever part of the room I happen to be in. At least the room is small, and it really could be worse. I could have absolutely NO electricity!

haven't been doing much at all. Trying to get back into the groove of things, but is kind of hard since I only came back on Wednesday, and am going to be leaving again on Monday! Been a little lonely, mainly coz campus is dead now with summer holidays, Nat is off in Norway somewhere leaving me in an empty room, Cydknee's man is in town, and so I'm all by my sad self. Actually, it's not that bad coz I've got quite a lot of catching up to do....work, washing, cleaning, unpacking...my room is in an absolute mess. Which is why I haven't been able to do much updating of my webbies. But come June 9, I should be back in action.

Am completely broke...wonder if Lidija needs her house cleaned and toilets scrubbed this afternoon. Sure hope so...fingers crossed...I NEED $$$$$$$$

aaaahhhh...am revived now :o) Slept for 12 FULL hours, no wonder. Got off work at about 6pm, pottered around my room, packing up...it's a HUGE mess, and then just went to bed. Didn't get up till 7.30am and am now at work. Feel much better compared to yesterday for sure! And actually have work to do today.

i'm back :) from Wales, France AND Sweden. Yup, I've been everywhere over the last 3 weeks. I'm so exhausted right now, no doubt because I spent an absolutely terrifying night at the train station last night coz i missed the last train. Froze my butt off. Not only that, had to end up pretending I didn't understand English in order to prevent strange people from bugging me. Thank goodness for my Asian roots. People immediately assume I don't know English and left me alone. But honestly, was at this almost isolated train station from 1-5am, where the only people around seem really dodgy...I was scared out of my wits.

Did have a great time at Sweden though, and Wales, AND France. Hahaha....will write more later. Haven't slept at all since two nights ago coz there was no way I was gonna fall asleep at the train station. Have no idea what I'm running on right now, but know am getting delirious. Need sleep soon...

I can't believe where I am right now. Sitting in London Gatwick's British Airways lounge for business and first class ticket holders (hence the free internet access). Ah, lifestyles of the rich and famous. Haha. No, I did not meet Prince William on my flight from Singapore to London, or some rich Arab prince during my stopover in Dubai. I only have my dearest great uncle to thank. I can't believe he bought me a business class ticket! Ok ok, backtrack, backtrack. How I ended up here.

Well, College has determined that I needed a 10 day quarantine upon return from Singapore right? And as a result I had to stay with my great aunt and her husband who lives in Wales (with a house in France, on the Spanish border...I realise I lead a hard life. hahahaha). Anyway, the original plan was for me to change my ticket back to the UK when I was in Singapore, so that instead of flying back to London on the 9th, I fly back to Manchester with great aunt on the 8th. Unfortunately, there are absolutely no seats available for flights to Manchester and so I ended up having to fly to London anyway. Great aunt said it was fine, she and great uncle would come pick me up from the airport. Then last night, before I arrived at the Singapore airport, they called from the UK saying that they would rather I fly up to Manchester from London and that my great uncle would arrange everything. All I had to do was go to the BA counter to collect my ticket when I arrive in Gatwick. How would I have guessed he would buy a business class ticket?!?! Therefore, am being treated like a queen now. Only drawback is that I cannot make use of all the free alcohol since I don't drink. Ah well. Free internet. Time to catch up on some long unreplied emails!

Going home was great. To be able to meet old friends, hang out with my family...to feel loved and appreciated all over again. Aunt's wedding was really cool, although I couldn't escape my relatives hounding me with regards to my single status, despite the hair. It only served to distract them for a brief 5 seconds and then the everybody immediately tells me it has to be my turn next. Anyway, even if I do get married, I'm wondering if I'm even wanting to have a ceremony back home. All the relatives and their fussing over what is custom and what isn't...not sure if it's worth it. Although mom has stated rather clearly that I will not be eloping and getting married in a foreign country to some foreign man without having a traditional Chinese tea cermony...hmmmm....will worry about that when I actually have a boyfriend.

Was a crazy week back in Singapore. First there was having to check out our new apartment (we're moving! I'm so excited! Not that I would be there most of the time but it's still a new place!) the wedding, then having to meet friends and also needing to shop for some supplies...before I knew it, it was time to return to the UK. I hardly had time to get anything done! Brother kept telling me "you're never around". Honestly did feel bad. It's just confusing. I really miss home at times. Not Singapore, just the people that I care about. And leaving after everytime I return is really difficult. And yet, I really cannot see myself settling down permanently in Singapore. The humidity, the rigidity, the limited media market, the.....men *shudder*. Oh I don't know. Who knows, after this year, I might not have a choice and would have to stay in Singapore anyway...

Oh well. Will worry about that later. Am hoping to have a proper holiday during the next 10 days (first in Wales, and then we'll drive down to the house in France in a caravan) where the only thing I'll do is sleep, read, write and eat. Ah, the life....

I'm going home, going home, going home home home!!! Really excited. I know I've been away from home for longer periods than 4 months, but I'm just missing home terribly. Coz honestly, there's no love loss between England and I. I really love the travelling (as I'm sure is exhibited with all my adventures), but the fact that I'm being more or less ill-treated here is screwing everything else up...but yeah, I'm really excited about going home.

Cyd and Nat did my hair yesterday. They put orange hair extensions into it. I absolutely love it. Have been wanting orange hair for the longest of time...am looking forward to having my relatives comment on my hair instead of asking me if I've got a boyfriend. That was the strategy since knowing that I'm going home for a wedding, all my relatives are going to swarm in on me and ask when would it be my turn. Especially since the only two cousins I have who are my age are either married or about to. They can't seem to comprehend that I love being single and free. Not to mention the fact that I'm still only 22....geesh. Anyway, the hair's meant to distract them. Hahaha.