For a really long time, I had wanted to be a part of the corporate world - the big board meetings, the fast-paced environment, working with executives and managers making decisions that would impact many people...

I dreamt of being a part of an organisation that was practically living and breathing, moving on its own momentum. I imagined owning a fast car, living in a penthouse apartment...practically living the high life.

Maybe it's just my general world-weary cynicism. Maybe it's simply because I'm sick of my job. Or it could be that I'm just plain lazy.

I am now a part of the living, breathing organisation. And although I am most certainly not living the high life or even anywhere near it, I come in constant contact with people who are almost there. And I realise I do not want the life I thought I wanted, if I have to pay the price they did.

Coming to work at 9 in the morning, then staying till close to midnight during weekdays. Having to come back to work during the weekends, or even during public holidays. An in-tray that's never empty. The constant pressure to perform or risk losing your job. Having to deal with office politics. Surviving in the cut-throat, dog-eat-dog of a world. Running the rat race....

No thank you. There is more to life than that.

They may have their fast cars. They may have their penthouse apartment. But how much time do they actually have to enjoy it? The office has become their house. Why the need for luxurious living when one's life has practically been sold to the company?

I will not deny the fact that I would love to lead a luxurious lifestyle, but more importantly, I want meaning in my life. I want a life not sold to my work, unless it is work that is sold to God.

So give me my simple apartment. Give me my public transport. Give me my friends who care and love me with no hidden agendas. Give me my Levi's. Give me my foodcourt meals. Give me a life where I can come home to my family, to my candlelit room, to my novels, to my writing, to my photography, to my craftwork, to my little artistic indulgences.

Give me my time with God who will in turn give me everything I've ever wanted - peace, happiness and contentment.

Faith is a genius.

Thanks for coming up with this new design!

And for all of you who are blinded by the yellow/orange. Too bad.

I like it.

He never wrote, much less called.

When I met him on MSN, our conversations lasted hours, three quarters of which was filled with silence. The other quarter consisted of me asking questions and him giving vague answers.

When we did talk on the phone, I had glorious monosyllabic responses.

It's been a long journey.

It started with the longing for a playmate, then the fervent wish that I never had one, but on the night I first left Singapore, I found myself wondering.

Would he forget me?

Would we become strangers upon my return?

Would he ever establish a relationship with God?

It goes without saying the amount of joy and relief to nkow that he has decided to make a stand to live for God and it honestly amazes me he got this far.

He was only 11 when our father passed away. The robbing away of his male role figure. The confusion, the agony and the numerous questions as to why our father? Why us? Why? Especially since my father lived as best as he could to please the God he loved.

I was afraid. We were all afraid. Would Shannon ever learn to love and trust God? Would he out of sheer spite transform into this uncontrollable rebellious teenager who hates God? After all, the odds were against him. It looked like God robbed his father away from him.

I left Singapore less than 2 years after our father passed away. And when I returned for the holidays, I realised that he had indeed changed. But amazingly, he rose above everything to become the sweetest, best brother one could ever have.

Of course, it was rather annoying to have your 14 year old brother wanting to keep tabs on you, refusing to let you leave the house until you gave him the low down as to who you were going out with, where you were going and what time you were going to be back. But it touched me to know how much he cared.

It was as if I never existed in his life when I was away, but when I came home, I saw a change in him. It was as if he took it upon himself to be the man of the house, excusing the occasional teenage moodswing. He stayed with the family, and best of all, he stayed with God.

It is easy to dismiss him as another lost teenager when you look at him. With his shocking mess of strange coloured hair, his love of so called worldly music and that swagger when he walks, who can ever guess that deep down, he has got a soul that is willing to listen. A heart that is so open to love?

Honestly, I cannot tell you what his relationship wit God is like. That is his story to tell. But I can say that it is not a frivolous decision on his part to commit his life to God.

The journey has just begun Shannon.

Jesus promised those who would follow him 3 things:

That they would be absurdly happy, entirely fearless and always in trouble.

Your decision will bring you on a path where challenges seem unending, where pain seem unbearable. But never forget this. You are now God's child, and if you hold fast to your faith, stay firm with what you believe, you will not only see the light at the end of the tunnel. You will get little safety lamps along the way.

My dear brother got dunked by the pastor on Saturday (May 29)...

I am enjoying being a Punggolian.

Every morning, I would take a 3 minute walk to the bus-stop, artfully dodging earthworms making the epic journey from one side of the pavement to the other…at the same time walking past an old Indian man decked out in sarong, sneakers and a shirt unbuttoned to show off his hairy chest. The very man who would be brisk walking and killing the very same earthworms I had danced around a few seconds ago…

The cool breeze would be blowing in my face, children would be laughing as they chased each other around the playground, baffling my half-awakened mind as to why they would even be awake at this hour…

Maids would sit around watching their charges while chatting and catching up on the latest gossip. Occasionally I would even spy a group of senior citizens, arms outstretched, legs apart, practicing their tai-chi.

There would be cute little flowers on the grass patch as I approach the bus-stop, and a stray cat would be waiting eagerly for some resident to feed it. And this is not wishful thinking on behalf of the cat. It actually gets fed.

Of course, there is also the part where without fail, I see the bus I was meant to be on zoom past my very eyes because I am standing across the road from the bus-stop I should be.

While waiting for the bus with half-opened eyes, people emerge from the bottom of their flats, milling towards the bus-stop like ants. Quietly, but with firm determination to get to work, we would all squash up the bus towards the train station…as if we were part of George Orwell’s 1984.

At the end of the day, when I arrive home, it is already dark. Suddenly, there are no signs of life anywhere. There is actually peace and quiet in the bustling city of Singapore.

Then I get into my room, switch on my air-conditioner, play some soft mellow music, light a few candles, burn some essential oils and start relaxing in a place with an interior I designed and created…a room where I can escape into another world. A room where I can feed my soul. A room with a “beachfront” view or of Mordor, depending on where you look…

Moving has been a good decision, despite all the pain and hard work we had to go through to make it come true…

drumroll please....i am alive.

i have moved house.

i am still at the bank.

i have been extremely busy.

i am still single.

i have not had much internet access (you wouldn't have guessed would you?)

i am still going to Germany/England in August (collecting the ticket tomorrow!).

and i had a rather interesting phone conversation today:

Me: "Hi, may I speak with Penny please?"
Strange guy on other line: "She's on the line."
Me: "Can I leave a message?"
SGOOL: "Sure."
Me: "Could you let her know that Melody from Citibank called?"
SGOOL: "WAH! Melody?! Your name so stylo!"
Me: "Er...thanks?"
SGOOL: "Wah, steady lah...so stylo! How to spell?"
Me: "M-E-L-O-D-Y"
SGOOL: "So cool..."
Me: "..."
SGOOL: "Melody,very nice name ah? Very stylo."
Me: *laughing uneasily* "Anyway, get her to call me back, thanks."
SGOOL: "Ok, bye, stylo-milo."

The world is still insane...

An excerpt from Time magazine, April 26, 2004.

The Passion of the Christ, which has so far been seen by tens of millions of people in the U.S. alone, proves again what we have long known about movies: artists should write about and direct what they know. They should produce from their passion. But too often pictures made by Christians have been thinly veiled propaganda vehicles. They have not been the sort of art that comes from the gut.

Some evangelical consultants urged Gibson to add explanatory verses of Scripture at the end of The Passion. To his credit, Gibson insisted that he wanted to retain some mystery, some impetus for viewers to return to their churches and their Bibles to ferret out the truths represented in the art.

Gibson succeeded becauses he produced a film from that place within the fiber of his being where his own passions lie. The public responded, providing a lesson for other people of faith.

From Gibson we have learned that we should not be afraid, should not run from controversy and should be willing to employ a work ethic and invest the dollars necessary to compete in the markeplace of ideas.

i feel obese.

as well as jinxed.

all coz i have not been swimming for three weeks.

first week, i ended up having to work till 9pm.

second week...i would have turn the pool a pretty shade of red if i did.

this week...the meeting i was in did not end till 8pm. by the time I got to the pool, i was in time to see the gates shut in my face.

Well, not quite, but you get the idea.

Maybe next time, I should pretend I wasn't going swimming, get off work early, and actually go swimming.

Except, who am I trying to trick?

In the meantime, I'll continue feeling obese.

Bring on the Oreo cookies...

without going into details as to what prompted my words...a text message between Maya and I...

Me: Argh! I work in a office full of b*tches.
Maya: Please explain? Are you working in a dog pound?

At least that made my morning better...

I am now rendered a member of the dog-eat-dog, rat race world of business.

Every morning and evening, I squeeze into the train with the peak hour crowd. Every lunchtime, I leave and return to the office en masse with the rest of the building.

Jeans and T-shirts no longer exist in my vocabulary. It is now replaced with dress pants, shirts and heeled shoes.

I am now an automaton, and my world has narrowed into an endless cycle of travel, work and sleep.

Despite it all though, I am thankful for the job. And I think God had his hand in it all.

It is extremely challenging, and I’m not talking about the bit where I have to book conference rooms and order stationery. I have to juggle three people’s responsibilities, of which one I actually quite enjoy. This job also has the potential to give me a great network of friends.

Citibank is established and prestigious, and they really do not pay that badly. At least enough for me to afford going to Germany in August.

But somehow, I still can’t shrug off the feeling of dread that I am now one of them.

I found work!

Granted, it's only a 5 month temp assignment, but after 2 months of inactivity and weeks of either turning down jobs or getting turned down...this job souonds pretty good.

Working at Citibank as an assistant in the marketing department (yes, I book conference rooms and order pens for the department). And yes, my life seems to gravitate towards marketing and PR, no matter how hard I fight it.

I'm not complaining (much) though.

Not only do I get Sabbaths off, I am now able to afford my trip to Germany for Cydknee's wedding (with a short detour back to England...I couldn't resist) in August.

I can spend as much time away as I want overseas as well since my assignment would have ended then. Or till my money runs out. Or till I outstay my welcome.

Honestly, not my dream job (seriously, I didn't get a degree to book conference rooms), but God knows best and right now, the timing for everything seems pretty darn good to me!

currently sitting in Gail's bedroom getting my eardrums assaulted.

No, Gail isn't the one doing the assaulting.

There seems to be some kind of live performance going on somewhere in her neighbourhood and as sound travels, I am listening to the singing live and LOUD.

Initially, I thought the singing was bad, but since I had no idea what they were singing about, could somehow managed to block it out.

Currently though, I am sitting here listening not just to whoever it is mutilate Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit, I'm also subjected to extremely bad guitar playing.

Isn't there a law somewhere against bad live singing that would cause people's ears to bleed?

Today, I realise that the B3 that I got for my Chinese for my A levels have gone down the drain.

Went for a second interview with a PR firm and had to translate an English press release into Chinese. The number of blanks, the inability to translate accurately as well as the number of hanyu pinyin words I used in place of the proper Chinese symbols were atrocious.

As if my humiliation wasn't complete, I then had to read a Chinese article. Ended up misreading half of the words, and skipping over the other quarter.

Was I surprised that they decided not to hire me?

The Cleo saga continues...

Just got back from schmoozing with 50 "Eligable Bachelors" and virtually the rest of Singapore - it really felt like the entire country was packed into Zouk Disco tonight.

And rather than sitting in a corner and laughing at everybody, I found myself on stage, pairing up with one of the bachelors, trying to stick post-its all over him...without using my hands.

Let me just take this opportunity to say that Urban Decay Lip Gunk is the stickiest lip gloss to ever exist in this world coz the post-its were stuck on my lips rather than on his jacket. I even had my nose squashed coz I was trying desperately to get the post-its off my lips.

Did I say I wanted to laugh at everybody?

He ended up grabbing a post-it off my hand and sticking it onto himself and to make matters worse, he whispered "use your hands!" into my ear. Talk about cheating.

Should have known that going to such things with Maya would result in some attention grabbing antic or another. That girl attracts attention wherever she goes.

At least I got a whole bunch of freebies for my participation...

I honestly hope I will not live to say that I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.

After rejecting the job for the second time to the boss of Image Marcom last night, he sent me a text message an hour later saying that he would give me more time to reconsider, and that he’ll wait for my reply this afternoon.

Sent him a text message this morning saying that I really am unable to change my commitment on the Sabbath, and asked if he would be willing to put me on trial for 3 months instead.

He replied saying, “No. You need to accommodate to the industry, not the other way around.”

Honestly, this lost chance is extremely painful to me and friends will hear me whinging about it in the weeks to come.

Ouch.

I wonder...would I say that I've made the biggest mistake of my life ten years from now?

Had an interview with Image Marcom & Productions this evening. The job was everything I've ever wanted and could dream of - video & film production.

I would be overseeing projects, conceptualising videos, working with storyboard artists, coordinating personnels, going on shoots, finding locations and talents...it is my ultimate dream job. And the best thing was the boss really wanted me for the job. So much so that he was ready to have me start work tomorrow.

And I said no.

The boss spent the next 2 hours trying to convince me otherwise.

But I just can't. The job requires me to work on the Sabbath and I will never be able to live with myself if I chose to give up God's holy day to pursue my dream.

God made me who I am and has blessed me tremendously. Granted, He is not going to strike me dead if I take up the job. In fact, I know for a fact that He would still love me.

But I simply cannot live with the fact that I cannot even keep one day holy for the God I love. That I cannot even grant Him the one tiny request He has from me, especially after all the countless blessings He has poured on me and will continue to do so.

And so now I'm left mourning the loss of what I believe is my dream job but having the hope and knowledge that God will provide something better.

I hope I will not live to regret this decision.

a weekend at Mersing has rendered me a reversed panda.

I am now extremely sunburnt and bear tan lines where my sunglasses used to be. All because my brother and I decided to go on a 1.5 hour canoe trip.

And I'm supposed to go for the Clep's 50 Eligable Bachelor's Party this Thursday looking all red and brown and yellow in different places...extremely charming, I'm sure.

By the way, don't ask as to why I'm going to the party...it's Maya's fault.

Ned Kelly and I are a pair of star-crossed lovers...

I have been wanting to watch the movie for close to two years now, and have chased it all around the world and yet, have only been able to catch glimpses of it.

It was due to open in Australia a few months after I left.

When it opened in England, it did so for a grand total of 3 days which resulted in me missing it.

Now it's in Singapore for the Australian Film Festival, except that it will be showing this Saturday and Sunday evenings and guess what?

I'M NOT GOING TO BE IN SINGAPORE!

if there's anything I hate more than having to wake up at an early hour (and I count anything before 8am early), it's being woken up 5 minutes before my alarm rings.

I love my sleep. I can stay awake till all hours, but once my eyes are actually closed and I escape into dreamland, I really do not like to wake up, especially against my will.

So having to wake up at 7.15am for the last few days have been absolutely killing for me. The agony of having to wake up at such an unholy hour was enough to test my patience. And to be robbed of the extra 5 minutes of sleep was just utterly wrong.

I was supposed to wake up at 7.15am this morning. The telephone rang at 7.10am, jarring my out of a beautiful sleep and dream. It only rang once, but it was more than enough to wake me up.

My precious 5 minutes...

no, the aliens have not got to me. It was just pure and simply exhaustion.

So, what's been happening?

1. I went for a 2nd interview with Cleo last Thursday and I think I absolutely messed up on it. I would like to cite sheer nervousness because of having to face the ENTIRE Cleo team as an excuse, but I think the main reason is that I simply do very badly at interviews.

2. The Minitoons schedule is an absolute nightmare, requiring me to stand for 12 straight hours 5 days a week. The consolation is that I'll probably develop really nice calves by the end of it all.

3. Am currently temping at a furniture fair. This thing is huuuge! And open only to trade and business personnels. So for this whole week, I've been holed up in an exhibition centre trying to sell antique reproduction furniture. Irony of it all is that I'm working for a UK based company, with three guys from the UK.

I've returned all the way from the UK back to Singapore to work for a UK company.

Unfortunately, although this job is only for 8 hours a day, it not only requires me to stand all day, but IN HEELS as well. My calves....and it also takes me one hour to get to work, hence the exhaustion and lack of desire to do anything else but to go home and sleep.

woohoo!

Check out Features #1.

Seven looong hours of either listening to annoying techno music with dodgy artists covering good songs mixed with repetitive beats or listening to Eminem sing about male body parts and where they get stuck into.

Shudder.

My temp job stints have led me to a shop called Minitoons, royal hangout place of the unique to Singapore Ah Lians.

On the up side, my colleagues are very nice girls. The shop is a stone’s throw from where I live and I get to practice my Chinese seeing that whenever I try to speak English to the customers, I either get looks of bewilderment or confusion.

Does not prevent my colleagues from calling me a potato…and I trust that it is not a reference to my body shape, but an allusion to the Caucasians’ choice of staple food.

Temping with Kelly Services (thanks Gail for letting me know about them) has brought me to work at strange places.

Have been at Woodbridge - Institute of Mental Health, for the last 2 days, and will probably continue to be there till the end of the week. Fortunately, it is not as Gail has thought - the heat has not driven me mad. Or other circumstances for that matter. I'm still mentally healthy. I think.

Dreadfully boring work though. Data entry. What else when it comes to temp jobs? And I think I'm going to suffer from repetitive strain injury soon.

This evening found me at an interview at the Social Development Unit (SDU - the government's attempt to encourage procreation amongst Singaporeans). Apparently I'm supposed to help encourage and convince businesses to organise events for singles. All part of the Romancing Singapore 2004 campaign. (And believe me, I have something to say about that too - honestly, Singaporeans need to be taught how to be romantic?!? But I'll leave that for another day.)

Whether I get the job is still uncertain since I'm required to work on Saturdays. They really want me on board though. So one wonders if they'll work some magic...

Weeks of unemployment is extremely bad for my mental health. Besides being bored to the brink of insanity, I am now beginning to question my point of existence.

I feel absolutely useless and can find no meaning to my life. Of course, before I cause all of you to panic, I am not suicidal. I’m just in a blasé mood because I have nothing to do.

It’s not just being unemployed that is doing it to me. It’s the whole point of working. I am just not entirely sure why I want to work for a corporation whose sole purpose is to maximise profit, horde up millions of dollars, at the expense of others.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate money. In fact, you can give me all the money that you’ve got and I will thank you sweetly for it.

It’s just the point of it all.

We spend 8 to 9 hours a day slogging away, earning money, but all for a company that, besides promoting consumerism and materialism, is not doing anything to better the state of the world. Yes, it’s helping the economy, but somehow, I feel there’s got to be more to work than that.

I don’t want to work just to earn money. I want to work for something I believe in. I want to work for an organization that actually does something to help the world. I don’t want to promote inane and senseless things that does not help a person’s life. I want something more meaningful than that.

Then I realise that I have a BA in Communications. Mass media. Public Relations. Writing.

It’s all about consumerism. It’s not like a degree in Medicine, or Social Affairs or Development Studies. It’s about entertainment and in entertainment, it’s more like choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea than the simple choice of good and evil.

Can I actually find a job that I’m qualified in, and yet be able to contribute to a better world?

one cannot speak good English in Singapore anymore...

Went for an interview today and was told that I may have difficulty getting a job because of my accent.

Hello?!?! What accent? Any accent I have is a Singaporean one sans lahs and lehs...

No Aussie or Brit would ever claim me to be one of their own from hearing my accent. In fact, I'm recognised to be from Singapore because of the way I speak.

So what accent do I have?!?! And why am I discriminated simply because of the way that I speak???

Anyone familiar with the on goings of show business would readily recognise that February is a special month.

The Golden Globes, the Grammies, the Oscars and closer to home, the MTV Asia Music Awards, all happen within a few weeks of each other. We find ourselves inadvertently glued to our TVs, or reading snippets from magazines or newspapers about who’s been nominated, who’s won and even who’s who.

Let’s face it. No matter what we do, or don’t do, no matter where in the world we may be, we will know all about the awards sooner or later.

Ironical to remember that as recent as the 19th century, the arena of performing arts was seen in a completely different light. It’s true that Art has been in existence practically forever. People like to be entertained, whether in the past or in the present. And now our version of Greek entertainment comes in the form of movies, concerts and all sorts of popular art form.

The basic premise of the performing arts has not changed, but the status of artistes most certainly have.

Actors and singers used to be penniless, depending on the lords to support them. A parent hearing his child intending to walk down the path of the arts is most likely to either suffer from a cardiac arrest or disown his own flesh and blood. As the performing arts became more and more secular in the 15th century, the association of its participants with loose morals and vice became inseparable. To be a part of the performing arts was highly frowned upon.

Funny how all that has turned around.

The loose morals and vice are still there of course, in many varied disguised forms that I’m sure do not need spelling out. But since the turn of the 20th century, performers have never been more exalted. The actors and singers have now become the new elite, with their huge mansions and diamond-studded lifestyles.

Practically every young person dreams of making it big. A look at the turnout for the American Idol auditions says it all. The arena of performing arts has never enjoyed a better reputation.

Kudos to the entertainment business for flipping the tables. From a despised career, performers are suddenly what everyone wants to be, or tries to be with. The hours spent in queues just to get a glimpse of their idols, the desperation to get an autograph, the tears, the euphoria of making eye contact with Brad Pitt…the almost fanatical worshipping of people who, if born a few centuries earlier, would have been seen to be slightly better than the scum of the earth.

Show business’s marketing strategy should probably be written into a textbook for any aspiring marketeer.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for creative expression. I thoroughly enjoy a good play or movie. I like listening to different sorts of music and I am a voracious reader. Creative and talented people need to be recognised and encouraged, like all other people in any honest form of living.

But have we gone a tad overboard? Has the tinsel blinded us?

Many follow the lives of the stars with an insatiable appetite. What we choose to see now lies on the outside – what a person possesses, be it jewellery, good looks or his latest girlfriend. What we hold important, what our values are, seems to have changed somewhat.

The Oscars started in 1927 for the purpose of raising the cultural and technical standards of professional filmmaking. But as we watch the Charlize Therons and Johnny Depps walk down the red carpet, what we focus on are the designer clothing, the gigantic and endless number of diamonds, the make-up, their private lives…the superficiality of it all. It’s no longer about talent, but an image. An image that would be bought up by adoring fans all over the world.

Appreciating a creative art form is one thing. Following it to be point of obsession is another.

Recognising and acknowledging talent is one thing. Spending millions of dollars letting everybody know about it is another.

God wanted us to encourage each other in the things that we do. But I’m sure He never meant for us to pat each other on the back for a job well done, to the point where his own creation has taken over His place.

Instead of chasing after God and being like Him, we now look to the exalted artistes whose talents God gave, for direction.

Can one catch cancer like one can catch SARS?

First my dad, then my uncle, THEN my great uncle…now my cousin has just been diagnosed with bone cancer.

Maybe my family should get a VIP card from the damn cancer society…

My “interview” with Cleo yesterday turned out to be a rather strange affair.

Arriving at the office, the receptionist directed me into the conference room where about 9 other girls were already waiting. Most were dressed rather casually, which made my shirt and trousers seem like an overkill – and I thought I was not dressed smartly enough.

What made it worse, however, was the fact that I had with me two big folders containing my portfolio. As I plomped them down onto the table, I found much to my unease that the other girls only had cute little handbags.

After about 5 mins wait, and two other girls joining the group, I realised that the room was filled with way too much tension and silence. Everybody was trying hard to find an empty spot on the wall to stare at, or silently twiddling their thumbs.

In a moment of insanity, I decided that I should try to break the ice. I broke out into a cheerful, “So, does anybody quite know what to expect?” and tried to flash what I thought was a friendly smile.

I was rewarded with the girls staring back at me like as if I had just spoken in German or Swahili for that matter. On the up side, I did get a few blank looks and slow shaking of heads. But that was the most I got out of them.

Needless to say, I decided to shut up from then onwards.

The meeting was not an interview per se. We were set a subbing test (the correcting of grammar and sentence structure and the like), and given two tasks to take home – one was a 500 word article and the other was to write up a calendar of events.

The Cleo saga continues…

It was a miracle that Maya and I got home safe and sound after Shimona’s gig at Swing last night.

Conversation with the taxi driver:

Me: Uncle, we’re making two stops. First to Bishan, then to Woodlands.
Taxi Driver (TD): What? Where?
Me: Bishan, then Woodlands.
TD: Oh, Jurong?
Maya and I: BISHAN
TD: Huh? Bishan?

And he nearly gets into an accident by turning out from a corner without looking.

Nearing Bishan…

TD: Bishan where?
Me: Street 12
TD: Oh, Street 21?
Me: No, Street 12. (Fingers the number 1 and 2)
TD: Street 12 ah? One stop only right?
Me: No, you have to go to Woodlands after that.
TD: Where?
Me: WOODLANDS!
TD: (looking confused) Woodlands?

What happens after I got home would be Maya’s tale to tell…

By the way, there was no yodelling at Swing last night despite the lack of people. I thank Maya for her graciousness.

Disclaimer: this post is written with love. Truly.

The extent to which some people are addicted to their TV shows.

Planning to go for Shimona’s last gig at Swing tomorrow and decided to ask Maya to come along with Gail and I. Can’t believe that woman.

She would rather stay at home and watch an old man (Simon Cowell & American Idol) and an older man who is conveniently dead (Akira Kurosawa & The Seven Samurai) than come with us.

Finally managed to convince her to come along, enticing her with the possibility of cute-looking people at Swing. She has since assured me that if the crowd at Swing turns out to be lacklustre, she is making me go up on stage to yodel.

and they say it never stops raining in England....

I have been back in Singapore for 6 days and it has rained for 4. Not only that, it has rained cats and dogs during those days. There has been so much rain that I'm beginning to wonder if the island is going to be covered over with all the water.

Never imagined I would say this, but I miss the fine weather and occassional soft rain of England...

Don't believe them when they say the weather is bad in England. At least the rain does not threaten to drown you there.

been back in Singapore for 2 days now and guess what? My sinus problems, without fail, have struck again. Wondering if I'm going to have to live with non-stop sneezing and sniffing for the rest of my life...what makes it worse is the fact that Chinese New Year is coming up in 2 days...

Met up with Maya yesterday evening for dinner. Isn't it great to have friends whom you have not met for ages, but when you do, things are still the same?

No, we're no longer the young and skinny innocents we were when we first got to know each other in 1997, but the connection, the understanding and the relationship is still there.

The biggest cons of my somewhat nomadic life is the number of friends that I have to leave behind. But I'm so glad to be blessed with friends who genuinely love and care. Friends who bother to make an effort. Friends who will not forget me just because I'm not around. Friends whom I can spend hours talking with even though we're meeting for the first time in months or years.

This is an ode to my friends.

Hi there,

You've been shortlisted for the CLEO Win A Job Contest.

We would like to meet you on 29 January, 2004, at 2.30pm.

We hope to hear from you soon. See you then.

Warmest regards,
Deborah Tan
CLEO

AAAAHHHH!!!! Guess what I'm going to be doing on the 29th? Will this be the start of my magazine career????

AAAAAHHHH!!!!!! Guisele has given birth!! I don't know when it happened, how it happened (well, that's actually pretty self-explanatory) but I know it happened about a week ago!!! Now I just need to find out if it's a boy or girl!!!!

MOZZY, WHEN YOU ARE FINALLY ABLE TO READ, REMEMBER THAT I AM GIVING YOU A HUUUUGE WELCOME TO THIS ASYLUM WE CALL EARTH!

On another note, I went to Lantau Island this afternoon to look at this gigantic Buddha statue built atop a mountain. Only problem is that it was extremely misty and all I saw were the frothy lotus looking thing at his foot....and I had to climb like thousands of steps...

Not to mention the strange toilet facilities they had at the monastary nearby. Not only was it the primative squatting type, the doors did not exactly conceal much, starting from one's knees and going up to the chest level. I felt very...vulnerable. Was tempted to take a photo of the place but didn't think the other occupants would be too amused.

much celebration will need to take place tonight because for the first time since I arrived in Hong Kong 4 days ago, I DID NOT GET LOST.

"I guessed you were from Singapore when you spoke Chinese but couldn't read it," said the restaurant lady.

Thing is, I can read Chinese. Only problem is that I would have starved to death by the time I actually deciphered the menu.

I am regretting that I lost my ability to read and write Chinese. To think I used to score As and Bs for my Chinese exams. 4 years without practice has led me to this - asking the resturant lady to help me out so that I can actually order something to eat.

What is even more shocking is that Singaporeans are defined as such: able to speak our mother tongue, but unable to read...

Why Hong Kong Is Like England:

1. The road signs (besides the fact that it is bilingual) all have a countdown system before a major signboard comes into view.
2. People generally stand on the right side of the escalator when it comes to the underground.
3. There is a better sense of style when it comes to fashion, not to mention people seem to be better looking here (that is not to say that England is swarming with good looking blokes. On the contrary, it would be better if one searched in Paris.)
4. The cool air. Although, it is definitely much warmer here. This is the dead of winter and it feels like late English spring (read: my thick winter coat rendered me a hot perspiring mess.)

Why Hong Kong Is Like Singapore:

1. This is the only other place I know where the national past-time for the people is shopping. Everywhere I go - shops or markets galore. Train station, ferry station, by the roadside....it's just shops everywhere I turn, open till laaaate.
2. The crowd is immense. I don't think there is a place in which I would be able to be alone, besides in my hotel room.
3. It's practically a big modern city, full of skyscrapers, with a neat public transport system that works not unlike that of Singapore's, although there are much more hills around here.

Why My Feet Will Never Be The Same Again:

It is incredibly easy to get lost in this place. Now, I am extremely used to arriving in a foreign city and navigating around with ease. But the number of times I've missed a street or took a wrong turn is ridiculous. And all because I was searching for first the Peak Tram Station and next the Central-Mid Levels Escalator. Why the fuss?

The Peak Tram is one interesting tram ride to the top of Victoria Peak, 400m above sea level, inclined at an angle of 27 degrees. The view from the top of the harbour and the numerous skyscrapers is quite spectacular.

The Central-Mid Levels Escalator is living proof that Hong Kong is built on hills. The longest series of escalators in the world, inclined at some vague degree. I never completed the ride though, because it seemed as though it would go on and on. There were several breaks between escalators and I took the second one. Besides, it was a one way ride to goodness knows where. Those returning had stairs to contend with and my feet were dying by then, after getting lost in what I can only describe as a pedestrian expressway.

This pedestrian expressway is really interesting. A whole series of criss-crossing covered overhead bridges and walkways built above ground level. It was amazing.

aaargh! craaamp in feet

just arrived at my hotel in Hong Kong. I could dig this business travel lifestyle. I feel spoilt already.

My hotel's really nice, largely because I get FREE broadband internet connection (even though the browser is a little dodgy and seems rather dated), on top of satellite TV, a bath and all the little luxuries in life.

Thankfully wasn't deported at the HK airport, although they did stick a thermometer under my tongue because I was coughing. Temperature was 36.9 celcius, nowhere near SARS level.

Haven't got to see much of Hong Kong yet. Still trying to settle into the hotel, although I am considering leaving that for later and running out soon. Am located next extremely near the harbour in Tsimshatsui, amidst what promises to be lots of shopping. But most of the shops were boutiques sporting names like DKNY and Versace, so I may not be buying much...

The drive to the hotel from the airport was lovely though. I was taken aback by how hilly HK is. It's very much like Singapore, but with more water, hills and fog. Much cooler too.

Now to decide what to do...

main reason why I would rather live in England:

went shopping for a new pair of jeans in Singapore two days ago. Now, I realise that since leaving Singapore 4 years ago, I have gained a huge amount of weight and am no longer as skinny as I used to be. But one would think that I would be able to find some jeans my size at Levi's. Ha.

Tried shopping at the women's section first, but when I finally accepted the fact that there were no jeans my size, that the maximum size that they went up to was 29inch, I decided that I may be able to find some jeans at the men's section.

The salesman stared at me incredulously when I told him that I wanted to try on the men's jeans, to which I responded, "See, my problem is that there are no women's jeans my size."

After lots of trial and error, I believe I finally purchased a pair of jeans that was probably one of the largest sizes the store holds...FOR MEN.

Tell me how one can leave the store without feeling obese.

Had I been in England, there would be no problem finding myself a decent pair of jeans without having to go through the humiliation of being too big. Besides, I'm considered small in England!

Leaving for Hong Kong tomorrow. Now I just hope that nobody thinks I have SARS, considering that I'm currently nursing a flu. (Damn sinus attacks that I get whenever I return to Singapore.)

yes, i'm still alive. Currently sitting in the office of Mission College in Thailand. Spent the last 4-5 days in Bangkok, trying to battle jet lag, do promotions, make new friends and shop all at the same time.

I had a great time shopping *grin*

I can't believe how much I'm missing England though. I really really do miss the wonderful people I've known there and it's amazing how many things just remind me of my friends! Thankfully, because I've been so busy and tired out, I've never actually had much time to dwell on the emptiness I'm feeling.

Would like to go home soon though. If I can't be with my friends in England, at least I have my family and friends back home.

One interesting thing that happened within 2 hours of my arrival at Mission College. The principal cornered me and asked me if I would be willing to work for them. Seems like she really wants me here. I've given her my resume and she said she'll hand me a job description soon...oh I don't know. It's all really tempting, although honestly, I'm still hanging out for England...

I miss England...

I think this is probably the first time in which I've truly experienced a Christmas atmosphere. Granted, it's not a white Christmas, but this is ultimately a Western tradition and being in a Western country kind of helps to set the atmosphere.

This is what I call Christmas. With ALL the shops closed, Christmas is not about commercial activities, but staying home with loved ones and enjoying yourself. I guess it's kind of hard when you're not with your family, but my friends have certainly become the family that I'm missing here in England.

We're at Gabor's place now, cooking a Christmas lunch, with Christmas songs playing on the stereo. It's cold and windy outside, but warm in the house. There's a small Christmas tree that cannot hold the amount of presents we have under it, as well as the lollies, sweets and chocolates we have on it, and there's just a general feel of peace, joy and contentment.

Love...I've truly felt the Christmas experience...would be perfect if all my family and friends I've ever made were all with me, as well as some snowfall.

I can't wait for heaven.

I'm baaaack...absolutely knackered, but in one piece nonetheless.

Really don't know where to begin on my trip to Hungary. It has been a real eye-opening trip in the sense that I saw and experienced so many things that I really never thought I would.

Firstly, there is the unbelievable hospitality of the Hungarian people. Truly, they never go hungry in Hungary. My entire trip seemed to consist of one big neverending meal. Gabor's parents truly spoilt all of us with their warmth, love and genorosity.

Then there was the freezing cold. It never actually snowed on me, although of course I saw lots of snow still. The temperature ranged between -5 and never went above 2 degrees celcius, which meant that we were all wrapped up like Eskimos during the whole trip. But also meant breath-taking beauty of snow covered ground, white trees and a lovely romantic fog.

Central European architecture is distinctively different from anywhere else that I've been and once again, I have been exposed to a different sort of beauty. And the lovely countryside with its forests, hills and lakes...

For the first time in my life, I saw an entire lake frozen over, as well as an open-air ice-skating rink. For the first time in my life, I had a snowball fight and lay on the snow. For the first time in my life, I truly understood the meaning of Central European hospitality and tasted their absolutely delicious food.

I had a real wonderful trip.

And I have to add that today was the day that I fulfilled a promise I made to myself back in 1997 - I returned to the Tower of London.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

Stepped out of my dorm this morning and I literally gasped, thinking that it had snowed over the night. Turned out simply to be a thick layer of frost, which was rather hazardous to my heath as I had on shoes that weren't quite suited for ice. Radio has reported that it might jolly well snow either on Sunday or Monday, the day I get back from Hungary (and let's not forget the snow storm that happened a few days ago.)

...I may have a white Christmas yet.

Last day of work today, was quite sad, having to walk around saying goodbye to all the College staff. Got a little present from the College...a guidebook to the hidden secrets of Britain. Sweet gesture, although one wonders what am I supposed to do with it seeing that I'm leaving in little more than a week.

Pat gave me this really lovely cushion as well. Bright yellow with a big M cross-stiched in the middle and a tiny giraffe to its side.

Christmas is well and truly here...everybody's becoming really nice, presents being exhanged all over the place and people shopping like mad.

Looking forward to Vienna/Hungary, but not the 6am wake up call. Be back on Monday. Will write then!

Forget to mention, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King is fantastic. Can't it be anything else? But as Maya says, now that it's come to the end, what else is there to look forward to? We both feel the hole in our hearts...

been really hectic lately. last day of work tomorrow, and trying to tie up loose ends, especially after being sick, is an extremely busy task. have been working till rather late these last few days, but after tomorrow, there will be no more work!!

leaving for vienna/hungary early friday morning. was just informed that there has been a snow storm. jolly good.

oh oh oh! and in approx 3 hours, i will be catching the final installment of the lord of the rings trilogy!!! I can't wait!!!

i am sick. actually, i have been sick since thursday. all thanks to glen who gave the bug to me. or as he so aptly puts it, he did not so much as gave it to me as I took it from him. After all, he is too kind a person to give something as horrid as a flu bug to someone else.

I do question my sanity. His boss banned him from going to work for days because she was afraid of him spreading his bug around. Guisele had him under house arrest for the very same reason. That should have told me something about the bug. And still, I go over to their house twice in 3 days to visit them, and then stay up late till wee hours in the morning playing monopoly with friends.

Lack of sleep, lack of water, and to top it off, lovely English winter...I guess I deserved to get sick.

By the way, if any of you are planning to go watch Love Actually....DON'T. Played too much on the whole feel-good romantic comedy heartstrings. I admit, I was never one for romantic comedies, but I did kind of liked Notting Hill for its wit...Love Actually was just plain cheesy. So unless you really have nothing to watch and would like a good laugh, as well as watch a rubbish movie with a rather good cast, put your £5/A$10/S$8 (or however much it is to buy a movie ticket wherever you are) somewhere else.

On another note, I got a letter back from the UN. (I sent in an application to take their Competitive Recruitment Examinations Exercise in Singapore this February.) I was kindly rejected.

Back to the old drawing block....maybe this blog shall be renamed Tales of the Unemployed for next year...

the beauty of moving to a new place is that I get an upgraded computer (finally, Windows XP!), a new 21-inch monitor (it's huge!), a much more pleasant environment...and all of 6 days to enjoy it before I stop work for good.

Not to mention the fact that I'm still surrounded by boxes and maintenance men drilling holes in walls...

Have I ever mentioned that the office I am working in used to be a WW2 army barrack? And that the foundations are now so weak that everything is tilted to one side? Filing cabinets automatically shut when they are opened not because of technology, but simply because of gravity.

Besides having to battle feelings of imbalance, there is a spot right in the corner of the building where if one jumps, the entire building shakes.

It is also home to a very happy family of mice. And every few paces, along the wall, you'll find piles of rat poison.

Not to mention that exactly a week ago today, I was rained on because the roof started leaking. After lunch, I returned to find a hole in the ceiling and bits of it strewn all over the floor. Divine intervention had me out, and not under the ceiling when that happened.

After more than a couple of years, we're finally changing offices and today is moving day. I don't know how long this is going to last, but as such, I have no computer access and have to resort to the computer labs at the moment. There is no work to be done except putting things into boxes and unpacking them at the other end.

Except...we're moving into another building at least 50 years old with rotten carpets and this time, if one were to jump on the 2nd level, people on the 1st floor will feel it.

I have no idea if the move is an improvement or not...

what am i to do?

my boss just talked to me again about the possibility of me returning for another year. Sounds like she really wants me to come back. But I'm really not sure because somehow, I don't think I can afford to spend another year of my life as a volunteer. I need to start saving for the future, for the family, for my brother's further education...

But it's just oh so tempting....they're willing to wait for me till March 2004, have offered to pay for my airticket and dropped in the possibility that it may become a permanent position (hopefully she didn't mean permanent volunteer!).

I really would love to stay here for a tad longer. I've fallen in love with the English life. The easy access to plays and musicals, the thriving arts scene, the open-mindedness of the people, the historicity, the travelling, the beauty...and sometimes even the archaic systems. I have no wish to stay here for the rest of my life, but I could take England for a few more years.

Yet, I really do miss my friends back home and after being away for 4 years, maybe it's time I returned to strengthen the bonds I've had with them. And my family too. Everybody's been so patient with me and it amazes me how distance did not seem to cause me relationship with them to disintegrate. In fact, I feel more loved than ever by my friends and family and I want to spend more time with them.

But if I leave...I'll miss my friends here as well. I have made some unbelievably fantastic friends here and I want to be able to strengthen these bonds as well. A lot of them I've only gotten close to during the last 6 months and I would appreciate more time to get to know them better.

Of course, there're also the friends I left behind in Australia whom I miss terribly too and who are demanding that I return some time soon...

What am I to do????

ARGH!!! I just found out that it wasn't any simple body part that these two men shared together! Read it for yourself.

I am extremely impressed.

By Count of Monte Cristo and Frequency star Jim (or James) Caviezel to be exact.

Was watching this BBC documentary last night about religion and celebrities. The interview with Jim was really good and the answers he gave to the questions, as well as his obvious principles made me wish there were more actors/actresses like him around. Incredible faith in God and love for Him.

Religion and celluloid/mass media culture can mix, but very very rarely and only with a firm foundation in God's Word. But it can and I know that's where I'm heading. I was led to study Communication for a reason and I sincerely believe that God gave me the passion I have for writing and movies. And Jim has made me believe that it is possible to do so without compromising my faith.

When I make that movie with Kristin, I can only hope we'd find a group of actors/actresses with his principles.

On another note...I am not entirely sure if I should be appalled or amused by this.

I mean, what exactly did the ad say?

I'm looking to eat someone. Will you let me eat you?

And someone actually responded to that??? Not only that, but the victim actually shared the meal?!?!?! Honestly, I don't think I would be very much interested in eating any part of myself!

The world is a strange strange place...

Christmas has arrived early for me.

The Business and Communications department had a combined Christmas lunch today and towards the end of the meal, my boss went out of the restaurant, only to return with a huge package. She laid it down and started making a speech about how someone in the department would be leaving us soon.

After turning around trying to figure out who it was, it finally hit me that she was talking about me. I started wondering about my blond roots.

I was given a Samsonite suitcase!!! Which arrived just in time, seeing that my backpack has given way. Yup...all that backpacking around Europe has taken its toll and it's time my backpack is put to rest.

But the presents did not stop there...arrived back in the office to find a package sitting on my table waiting for me.

Dearest Maya, the cookies are an absolute delight. I am having trouble stopping myself from finishing them all at once. And the belt is simply gorgeous! You are a dear...

It was a truly beautiful sight, walking to work this morning.

There was a layer of frost over the green grassy lawn, the sun had just started to raise causing the place to be bathed in soft light which was enhanced by the light mist, the air was fresh and crisp, and there in the background stood the 19th century neo-Jacobean manor that is now the girls' dorm....

It really dawned on me how beautiful England really is.

As well as HOW COLD IT CAN GET.

Winter is well and truly here...

It is fascinating indeed that for someone who advocated living to excess - "nothing succeeds like excess", Wilde would write such a moralistic story as The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Despite his infamous flamboyant and outrageous lifestyle that seems to reflect a lack of boundaries, the richness of Dorian Gray in its tale of good and evil, truth and reality is great.

Oscar Wilde is a true lover of the Aesthetic Movement...but funny that despite loving beauty and pleasures, even he realised the need for certain rules and that all our actions would have repercussions.

As Trevor Baxter, who adapted the story into the play, said, "It is as though Oscar Wilde wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray, which shows the tragic end of [making a far-reaching aesthetic exploration of the mind], as a warning to himself."

Conscience or the Holy Spirit? I believe that they're one and the same and that it resides in all of us - even the worse of all of us. And as Dorian found out, it would catch up with us sooner or later. And the scary thought is that by the time it does, it may be too late.

When we ignore our conscience, choosing to chase our own pleasures to the extreme, we are just as likely to die painfully lonely and depressed, a broken man, like Dorian. Like Wilde.

And that is why God is a God of balance.

I am going to watch the play The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde this evening!

Really excited about it.

Now, I need to stand that I do not completely agree with Oscar Wilde's wild ideas and obvious lack of spiritual leading, but he does make some important points. And he is a rather good writer...

Meanwhile, am trying not to go insane with the number of 18 year olds streaming through my office as they rush to have their portraits taken for the College yearbook. It's not that I detest them and am being a grumpy old lady (at the ripe old age of 23), it's just that when you're trying to work and you have a bunch of giggly girls standing next to you primping themselves, it kind of gets on your nerves.

Especially when you're on the phone and even after you say "I'm sorry, but it's really crowded in here and I can't hear you," they continue speaking at the top of their voices, laughing their heads off.

It's only a photo. Why get so excited?

Visions of myself aged 70, living in a scary old house with cats, cackling like an evil witch and scaring all the kids in the neighbourhood floods into mind...

Talk about temptation....

Had asked for a cheque for SGD$2612 as reimbursement for my Thailand and Hong Kong tour. Got the cheque back today...

FOR SGD$7570.62

Unfortunately, my conscience told me to return it....*sigh*

My conscience is making a poor woman out of me.

On another note...check out Reverend Fun.

Read this article on the Edge magazine (an Aussie Adventist youth mag), about whether Adventists should watch movies. It can be found here - Feature #2, entitled Celluloid Culture.

This is my response:

Should Adventists be watching movies? The influence in which celluloid culture has on individuals is seen to be highly damaging, especially for Seventh-day Adventist Christians. Movies, like many different elements of popular culture, are seen to be poisoning our minds, and to take an extreme view, would ultimately draw us away from God. As such, many believe we need to be different from everybody else, and not partake in the normal activities of people in the world.

As Andy Chee reminded us, “To be Adventist is to be very special, very different, called higher than any other calling on Earth…we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people…”

When we made the decision to follow Christ, the changes made manifest in our beliefs, behaviour and principles are so obvious that anybody who comes into contact with us know that there is something different about us. The resolve not to drink, the decision not to go out on Friday evenings and most importantly, the peace that now resides in our hearts, stands out amongst our non-Adventist friends.

Andy suggests that these actions “of being legalistic, peculiar and alienated from society is something in which we as Adventists should be proud of.”

Unfortunately, it is precisely because of this pride, that we as Adventists have lost touch with the rest of the world.

When God said we are to be a peculiar people, did he really mean for us to be set utterly apart from the rest of world? Did He really envision us congregating within our own little Adventist community, patting our backs for not participating in certain activities, while frowning upon the “fornication of secular people”?

We have become such experts at being peculiar that we have been truly alienated from the rest of the world. We are so proud of being special, of being the remnant group with “the truth”, that we no longer remember the commission God gave us.

We are told to “be ready at all times to answer anyone who asks you to explain that hope you have in you, but do it with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15), but we are so focused on our rules that we no longer exude the hope and love of God.

Instead, Adventists are merely seen as the group of folks who do not watch movies, eat meat or do anything on a Saturday. Nobody is going to ask us to explain any hope we have in us, because what kind of hope is made manifest in our not knowing that hobbits have hairy feet?

We have most certainly succeeded in “beaming with the character of God so bright that sin hurts the watching sinner”. So much so that nobody wants to have anything to do with us anymore. Light of the world? We are so irrelevant to modern popular culture that even if we were bright neon billboard signs, people would still pass us by without so much as a glance.

It may be true that celluloid culture can have a bad influence, but it is a depiction of modern society. Art imitates life, or life imitates art? The answer is ultimately up to you, but it does not deny the fact that a lot of what we see on the small or big screen is about the world as we live in today. More often than not, it reflects the values, the opinions, and the viewpoint of people whom God has called us to share the Good News with.

I am not advocating that Adventists should swarm en masse to the cinemas upon reading this, devouring whatever movie that may be showing that evening. That is the reason why we were given the faculty for reasoning. But what I am suggesting is that maybe we should start to understand the world in which we live in a little better.

We need to know what other people live for, what they hope for, what they dream for and what they stand for. We were not only called to be light of the world, but salt of the earth. And the only way in which salt is effective, is if it were taken with the food in which it was mixed with – it requires mingling.

I love movies. I have been an avid moviegoer for as long as I can remember, and this interest of mine has not dampened my love for God. Friends know I am a Christian, and in fact, most have commented on the strengthening of relationship I have had with my God through the years. Has watching movies torn me away from God? Does the fact that I sit in the cinema with my non-Christian friends prove that I am somehow or other going to sway in where I stand with God?

Not every non-Christian is able to understand the going-ons of the Christian world. Tell them about sanctification, justification and my personal favourite, legalism, and they would either roll their eyes at you or look at you blankly and go, “sanc…what?”. Tell them why you choose not to go out on a Friday evening and at best, they would simply say, “Well, that’s your choice.” But all these are not relevant to them!

On the other hand, every Christian is equipped with the ability to understand the non-Christian world, since it is the very world in which we live in. The message of God’s grace is best shared in an environment in which the non-Christian is comfortable in. And that is where movies come in.

Movies are not just tools of entertainment, they are the most important instruments people use to make statements. It is through these statements that I have been able to understand how the world works and what people ache for. And it is through understanding the condition of the world that we are able to better relate and be more relevant to the very people we want to reach out to.

The Matrix Trilogies, Phonebooth, The Green Mile and countless other movies possesses a wealth of Christian undertones which when analysed, reflects the search all filmmakers make for God, perhaps on a subconscious level. And it is not simply movies with religious overtones that are helpful. Movies like Bowling for Columbine, The Thin Red Line and American History X make strong statements on society that can be actively discussed with friends who have absolutely no religious inclination.

Movies are part of pop culture. And pop culture reaches a great majority of people that evangelism never ever will. It brings us to the people. If Christians are able to better understand pop culture, it will equip us to reach out to more people than telling them the reason why we do not go out on a Friday night. Christianity is about building bridges, not walls.

Do not misunderstand me. I believe Ellen White had good reason to discourage us from going to the theatres. Taking her writing into context, theatres during her time were dens of iniquity. Cigarette smoke was rife, the environment was dubious and the content of most movies were unsuitable for a majority of audiences. I would not want to be anywhere near theatres if I were living in her time either.

I will also not dispute the fact that films can have a negative influence on us, and for young impressionable minds, that is extremely dangerous. And that is why God gave us wisdom. Wisdom to choose carefully what movies to watch, because there are good movies out there. And ultimately, if something has an ability to have a negative influence, it can just as well be used to have a positive one. If we had people who are able to review movies from a Christian point of view, imagine the kind of impact we could make.

When we know where we stand with God. When we know what thoughts and actions are pleasing to God. When we know what our principles are, choosing to watch movies is not going to take us any further away from God than if we chose not to speak with Him. God wants us to enjoy ourselves. And if we did so knowing full well that we are at peace with God, knowing what is right and wrong in the eyes of God, going to the cinemas will not dim the light He has placed in us. In fact, it may even make us saltier.

I thank God for the friends He gave me.

The emptiness you feel when a tragedy has happened back home while you are all alone in a foreign country with no family can be dreadfully frightening. The last few days had been absolutely horrid for me and things would have gotten much worse without the support and mere presence of my friends.

Guisele and Glen came by even though they knew they would be late for an antenatel class, and stayed with me again after the class till past midnight. She held me in her arms while I bawled my eyes out...and it really is extremely handy to have a friend who is studying to be a pastor, who can show you the love and grace of God when you thought impossible.

I had friends constantly checking up on me. Cards were given, text messages sent to my mobile, prayers were said, a cute soft teddy bear was received...and despite their other agendas, everything was put aside so that I could be supported.

I had never felt so loved before since I arrived in England.

Fanja, Anca, Guisele, Glen, Gabor, Adrian and Darren...strength was found through you and your prayers.

I thank you for the love and care you have showed me and I want you to know just how much I appreciate you.

my uncle (grandma's brother) had passed away....

what more can i say about death?

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

I'm tired...

Now, do I choose

1. Mental problems

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band Name	Stereophonics
Role	Bassist
Trademark	Mental Problems
Love Interest	Vocalist From Another Band
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

2. Speaking with a foreign accent (possibly exotic)

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band Name	The White Stripes
Role	Guitarist
Trademark	Foreign Accent
Love Interest	The Drummer
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Or...

3. An affair with a well-known actor??? (read: ORLANDO BLOOM)

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band Name	Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Role	Bassist
Trademark	Dark-Rimmed "Emo" Glasses
Love Interest	Well-Known Actor
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

This is really interesting reading. I really love the writing style and the statement it's making on modern society.

And it links to this really interesting game where one actually gets to run one's very own nation with the help of warped politics!

Yes...I'm in a mood to work today.

I had a horrible dream last night. War was happening and I had somehow volunteered to go to the front line to help out.

While in the bus on the way there, I realised that there were so many things that I hadn't done. Not things that I wanted to do, like skydive or travel to Greece or something like that, but that I hadn't told the people close to my heart just how much they really mean to me.

I was afraid that I would die, not because I didn't want to leave this world, but because there were so many things left unsaid, and things that I need to put right.

Only problem? I had run out of time.

To make matters worse, I couldn't even phone them because in my dream, I had forgotten to take money with me. I had left everybody without saying goodbye, and I was facing the prospect of never seeing them ever again.

Let me assure you that it is the most horrible feeling. To know that you have met some really special individuals along the way, but to never let them know just how they have touched your life. We like to live our life with our eyes half-open. We acknowledge that we have made really great friends, but it is incredible just how "un-often" we let them know that.

We live in a world of negativity. Things that are worth mentioning are those that hurt. Compliments get paid out...very occassionally.

Isn't it funny how often we seek approval, but never find it? But the minute we do something wrong, we have the whole world letting us know precisely what we should have or shouldn't have done? Ironically, we ourselves find it a challenge to tell people the better part of themselves, choosing to focus on the negative side of things instead.

And even if we don't dwell on the bad sides of life, we don't hardly make an effort to let others know just how much we appreciate them being in our lives. But the thing is, these are the people that matter to us. These are the people that make the world a better place to live in. Yet, we fail to even acknowledge what they have done in our lives.

I love my family. I love my friends. This may sound cliche, but without them, I would never have been able to go through different periods in my life. They were my source of strength and they are the sunshine of my life, as well as the pretty rainbow that I see after a stormy day.

And I don't want to leave this world, regretting the fact that I never told them how special they are to me.

I've got nothing more to say besides the fact that I have been absolutely and utterly charmed......

I had a great weekend.

isn't it amazing how one person's actions, or lack thereof, can determine your emotional state?

I hate the way my moods, to a certain extent, can be influenced by what other people do, or don't do. How is it that when I get ignored or looked over, I start questioning myself and my self-worth. And when the next day the very same person pays me the attention I wanted, the sun suddenly shines in my world again.

I like to think that I'm independent. I love my commitment-free life where I can simply pack up and go to wherever my heart desires, so long as I can financially afford it. I don't have to answer to anybody and I have no real responsibilities that somebody else cannot deal with.

And yet, it seems that no matter how independent one may be, one can never cut off bonds in which we share with other people. And that means that the actions of others is going to and will affect the way we view ourselves, the way we see the world, and the way we feel.

Not very independent now are we?

One of my biggest pet peeves? Christians who prefer to bash others over the head with religion, rather than stretch out a hand in the name of love. Christians who use God's name to dish out whatever vengeance they would like to see wrought on whoever they think have done them wrong. Christians who bring in God into a matter only to make another feel bad.

If I did not already know where I stood with God, what Sylvia said to me would have me hiding in my room for the rest of my life begging for forgiveness, terrified of burning in hell during judgement day.

Firstly, some background info:

Way back in August, while my boss was taking portrait photos of students during registration day, Sylvia comes and ask for a personal favour - she wanted my boss to take a photo of her family using the digital camera we were using. She was told to come back later in the afternoon.

I had no idea what had transpired since I was outside collecting questionnaires. But when Sylvia came back in the afternoon, my boss was out for lunch and hence I was roped in to take the photo, being the only other person who knew how to operate the digital camera. All I was told was to take the photo, and that my boss would take care of everything else.

With 300 other photos to deal with, as well as an impossible deadline, my boss forgot about the matter. Now Sylvia wants the photo. After spending hours searching for it on the computers, I have come to the conclusion that it is lost. I told her as much, apologising profusely, and this is what she told me:

"This is a really serious matter! How can something like this happen in this school, owned by the church? This is holy ground, I tell you, and things like this should not happen. Let me assure you that whoever lost the photo will have to answer to God and God is not happy about this! And you will know this on judgement day! This is my family photo and you cannot treat this matter lightly."

Firstly lady, if it is indeed holy ground, why do you have your shoes on?

Secondly, I am very certain you are able to afford even a cheap disposable camera that will give you at least 12 shots of your family, IN DIFFERENT POSES. And your family members live in the next town for goodness sake.

Thirdly, I would think it quite wise for you not to speak for God as to what he is and isn't happy about.

I admit that I probably should have taken better account of your photo, but I was never told to do anything else but to push the button on the camera. I have apologised and have never been anything but cordial in my dealings with you. I have tried to be understanding, but I have had enough.

Do not ever threaten me with my salvation. This is between me and my God, and has nothing to do with you. You are not God, neither are you his spokesperson. If I have to answer to God, let me speak with God on judgement day. In my opinion, you are merely using His name in vain and spiritually abusing me.

The photo is gone. Deal with it.

The sky was filled with brilliant colours last night as fireworks were repeatedly set off to celebrate Guy Fawkes night.

Found out that not only did Guy Fawkes fail at blowing up Parliament House, and hence King James, in London back in 1605, he was actually caught and burned. Hence all the fireworks and bonfires. Like I said, only in England. Was surprised there were no major fires or road accidents seeing that with the sun setting at 4.30pm, people had about 8 hours to do something stupid.

I know for one that Fanja and I were highly distracted by the fireworks colouring the night sky as we drove to the cinema last night. It was a lovely sight though. Especially since we drove by vast plains with no skyscrapers to block our view.

Had wanted to watch two movies last night. But after our first choice movie - Bad Boys 2, we quickly changed our minds.

The movie was simply filled with way too much unnecessary violence. It honestly felt like the film producers were simply looking for an excuse to blow things up and kill people highly graphically while flaunting Will Smith's good looks. And since the other choices we had were either horror or action, we went home instead.

Although now I wonder if the amount of violence in Bad Boys 2 is any indication of our rising insensitivity to death and destruction, as well as an insatiable thirst for blood and gore?

Everybody can breathe easy now. My friends survived the dinner I prepared. It has been two days since the meal and nobody has showed signs of food poisoning of any sort and so I can safely say that I have managed not to kill my friends with the noodle dish I came up with.

Honestly though, I hardly did anything. I didn't cut the brocolli, carrots or mushrooms. Most of the time, I merely stood there yelling for stuff to be handed to me while I tried to stir the vegetables around or fry the Quorn pieces (tastes like chicken!). While boiling the noodles, it nearly overflowed which led to me screaming and Gabor rushing over to rescue me/the pot/the stove. Yup, without my friends, the kitchen would have either flooded over or burned down.

They loved it though. But I can assure you that there will be no repeat performance for a long long while.

In the meantime, the Royal Mail Strike is finally over. Maybe now I'll finally get my Dogma DVD.

Was such a drama trying to purchase the DVD. Searched all over Bracknell, Reading AND London and it was sold out everywhere! Finally was able to get it over the Virgin Megastore website, which assured me that there would be a 48 hour delivery. Only problem? The day I purchased it, the strikes started.

Am beginning to believe that I'm not meant to possess the DVD. Especially since they are estimating 2 weeks for the backlog of mail to clear...

Anyway, just had to mention (not that my brother surfs onto this website)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANNON!!!!

It's a "special" day in England today as well. Guy Fawkes/Bonfire Night.

Only the English will run around setting off bonfires, fireworks and whatnots to commemorate the attempted assassination of the king back in 1605...and celebrate it in the name of the assassin.

This site needs a new name for next year! Submit suggestions here.

The first day of my domestication begins today. It is my turn to cook for my friends.

It's true that I've stepped into kitchens before. I've even helped friends chop up vegetables or boil water etc. But to actually cook a full meal to feed 3 other people? I am shuddering even at the thought of it.

I hate cooking.

To spend all that countless precious hours (ok, I'm exaggerating but you get the idea) chopping up green stuff, preparing ingredients and then putting it into a pot and having to wait some more...not to mention the spices and whatnots that you have to add...all that work!!!

Honestly - give me a sandwich any day. And I'm not lying when I say I'd rather starve than cook up a decent meal. The best I would do is 2-minute noodles. Quick, easy, good.

I cave in today and one can only hope nobody dies of food poisoning as a result.

Finally, after 11 months in England, I had my first celebrity-spotting experience.

Anca, Gabor, Ida and I went off to London yesterday to watch a musical. Which musical, we didn't have a clue. We just thought we'd rock up to Leicester Square and get a ticket for whatever musical which tickets we could afford.

What we ended up finding out was that Kevin Richardson (of the Backstreet Boys was starring as Billy Flynn in the musical Chicago.

Now, Ida and I were both Backstreet Boys fans back in the days when we were young (and yes, I am rather embarrassed to admit that I was a fan of a boyband, but I have to accept my past and I am now in counselling). In fact, it was because of them that we first got to know each other, but that's another story that I will not tell right now. Anyway, that helped us decide which musical to watch.

Chicago the musical is excellent. Not because of Kevin, but because of the quality of acting, dancing and singing involved. We were lucky, we somehow managed to get seats in the private box (gentlemen's boxes, they used to call them) by the side of the theatre and so we were really close to the stage.

Now I had actually watched Chicago the movie first and I was really impressed as to how faithful the movie was to the musical. Of course, several things were different because the musical is a stage production but I think that simply improved my experience with the musical. It was really good.

Superb synchronisation, brilliant choreography and impressive singing.

What I found really fantastic was the fact that the orchestra pit was not really in the pit, but actually up on stage and the musicians were as much involved in the musical as the actors were. The conductor was pulled into the storyline several times as an actor and the enthusiasm the musicans had for their music was excellent.

Anyway, after the musical, we went to the stage door because Ida really wanted to meet Kevin. I was skeptical as to whether it would really happen. But lo and behold, Kevin eventually turned up at the door to meet his fans.

And so, that was my celebrity-spotting experience in London.

And if anybody's wondering, the reason for this rather bland piece of writing is because I am absolutely exhausted. I have done too much walking and too little sleeping for the last few days and tiredness is fast catching up on me...

Excuse me while I pass out in front of the computer...

oh my gosh. i am absolutely shattered. Spent the last two days simply walking around London and my legs are now beginning to protest. Good to be just sitting down in front of the computer for this morning.

Gabor, Fanja, her brother and I went to Greenwich on Wednesday. Yup, the Greenwich where the Greenwich Mean Time comes from.

The Royal Observatory was set atop a hill and the walk up the hill was simply lovely. We had to walk past the National Maritime Museum, with its beautiful white pillars and then through this gorgeous autumnal park with orange-leafed trees and strolling families.

At the Royal Observatory, we were standing right in the middle of the eastern and western latitude of the entire world. Thought that was pretty cool. Even had a certificate to prove that I was there.

Walked around the museum which was full of telescopes, watches and clocks...hey, what did you expect?

Ida arrived on Wednesday evening and so the both of us went to London again yesterday. Ida, being more or less a Beatles fan, had to visit the Abbey Road Studios. Even took a photo of her crossing the now famous zebra crossing in front of the studio.

The studio was a hive of activity when we arrived there in the afternoon. There were so many guitar carrying musicians making their way into the studio. We kind of hung around outside for a bit hoping to catch sight of someone famous, but it was a futile attempt.

After two full days of sightseeing and shopping around London, I am honestly glad to be resting my feet for a while. Almost 24 hours of walking in 48 hours!! At least I know I'm developing my calves....

This afternoon, Gabor, Ida and I will most probably be going to Stonehenge (on Halloween day no less) and Salisbury.

At least he's driving, so less walking.

On another note (read: shameless self-promotion)...check out Edge magazine, under Features #1!

darn daylight savings time....because we have to turn our clocks back an hour on Sunday morning, the sun now sets at 4.30pm. It's dark even before I leave work!!! Thankfully, it still isn't THAT cold...

Just joined this online Asian Journalling Community - Rice Bowl Journals. Am amazed at the number of Singaporeans who are in the blogging business. Blogging has really taken off hasn't it?

Mid-semester break now, so College is pretty quiet. Not that it makes any difference for me since I still have to work. Fanja helped me dye my hair yesterday. Finally, I'm looking like the 23 year old that I am again, and not 60. Don't really like the colour - just some sort of dark brown/black - but hey, it's better than having all those grey all over.

Ida's coming to visit me tomorrow! She's this really sweet penpal from Sweden that I had from two years ago. Met her for the first time when I visited Sweden in May and now she's coming to visit me. Which means...I'll probably be gone again for a few days coz I'll be doing the touristy thing with her around England, particularly London.

I'm back! Had been a real whirlwind trip driving from one city in Holland to another. Met up with lots of Guisele's friends and her two sisters which was really nice. Was really interesting how one Dutch city is so different from another in terms of housing, architecture, layout etc.

Am won over by the Caribbean folks - warm, friendly, open, easy-going...and most definitely funny. Had a fantastic time chatting, laughing and eating with them. Oooh..the food...was really nice and surprisingly Asian-influenced.

Highlight of the trip came in the form of snowfall on Friday morning. Absolutely gorgeous. Was so excited I had to run out to the balcony in my PJs. Naturally didn't last really long outside, especially with the fact that I had just washed my hair and it was still damp.

But the sensation of having those small snowflakes landing on the palm of my hand is simply indescribable...

My article, well, one completely re-phrased paragraph, was published in London's Daily Telegraph! Entitled Hungry as Spectacle: David's Vein.

Also got it published in The Straits Times!

I think Edge magazine in Australia is contemplating putting it on their website. And Faith wants to use it for her radio show.

I'm beginning to like this writing business. Unfortunately, I'm afraid it may just be a one-off thing. Inspiration hits me once every few years...

On another note. I just booked my airticket to Hong Kong. Will be there from January 11-18 next year. I'm so excited! Granted, I'm actually there for work, but I'm still excited about the prospect of doing some sight-seeing during any free time I've got. It's just too bad that Rosa's not going to be there. Would be fun to have a local bring me around.

Also, I'm leaving tomorrow (5 in the morning no less) for Holland with Guisele to visit her sisters and friends. Really excited about it. Will be driving down to Dover to catch the ferry to Calais in France, then driving through Belgium to arrive in Arnhem.

Will be staying in Arnhem for a night and then making our way to Utrecht and then on Saturday and Sunday, we'll be in Rotterdam before making our way back to England.

There is of course the fact that Guisele is about 6 months pregnant which will make this trip rather...interesting. Can't believe Glen is entrusting his pregnant wife to me.

Write more when I get back on Monday!

An Audi TT is not a claustrophobe-friendly car.

Went out for dinner with Adrian, Darren and Fanja yesterday and we had to take Adrian's car. Adrian had sold his Mini Cooper recently. Yup, the really cute bright red car, with its checkered roof and two white stripes down the front, that brought us all to Scotland. In its place, he got a TT.

Of course, the guys had to sit in front. So Fanja and I ended up being squashed in the back with no leg room whatsoever. Well, Fanja being shorter, was actually rather comfortable. Me, I was facing the side of the car and my legs were where the handbrake should be. I also could do nothing but to crouch down. But whenever there was a bump, or when Adrian suddenly swerved my head came into contact with the roof anyway.

It also didn't help that the very second they closed the car doors, I started getting panic attacks. We ended up driving to the restaurant with the windows down even though it was freezing cold. Simply because I was feeling claustrophobic.

At least with so little space, I could easily reach out - wait, it didn't require much reaching out - to hit Adrian for doing something so stupid as to swap a Mini Cooper for a TT.