We've created worship in which music is meant to stir the emotions but the soul is left unmoved, in which the words spoken are little more than manipulations of the heart. We have created cathartic experiences filled with weeping and dancing in the Spirit that leaves us with the sense that we have touched God but that fail to give us the sense that God has touched us. We run to churches where the message feels good and where we feel energized and uplifted--but never challenged or convicted.I think I've been distracted by the neon lights so to speak.
Running around organising events. Chasing up news. Talking about God. Going to church. Working for the church. My goodness. How much more in God can one get?
But despite it all, a thought flitted through my head early this week. Well, it flitted through, then returned and took up residence.
"I don't feel God anymore." I talk about him. I read about him. I do stuff supposedly for him. But I don't actually feel him. And it's funny how all the peripheral activities just doesn't seem to draw me any closer to him.
I've taken to talking to him just that little bit more recently (which is an improvement from only talking to him before meals) and it's funny how much of a difference just that little bit of effort made. It's all about having a direct line of communication isn't it?
I don't think I'm quite there yet, although I did hear him rather audibly two days ago regarding my plans (or rather, busted plans) to apply for permanent residency in Australia.
And boy did that feel good.
I miss you God.