"Saul was looking for donkeys, while God was looking for a king." Lessons from 1 Samuel 9 summarised by my bible study partner.
After almost a month (perhaps more) of struggling, I now realise I've been having a donkey moment.
Since returning home to Singapore, I've been having pangs of depression because I sincerely believed that my life was at a standstill. I knew my place was not in Singapore, and yet I could see no way out. I was stuck in a job I did not appreciate, but felt reluctant to let go, mainly because it was extremely difficult to find a job with a 5-day work week.
I convinced myself I was reaching for the stars, and would ultimately crash. I was stuck, and would never get out. I gave up my dream and started looking at something that I did not like, but could at least live with.
I was certainly looking for donkeys. Turns out that God had a much better plan that I would never have thought possible.
When I gave up a job offer at Mission College, I really thought I had given up my last possible chance to leave Singapore. Not only that, I felt bad about turning down a job offer that I had expressed immense interest for months. Then God showed me He already had it all worked out by offering the job to Shimona. And goodness knows she'll do a much better job than I would, having actually chosen to "buy the product", tasted it and thought that it was good.
That left me still stuck at my job at Citibank. The desperation got worse when I was offered a permanent position. I truly felt I had gone past the stage where I was digging my own grave. The tombstone was about to be placed.
Then I was given an opportunity to apply for a job with Signs Publishing, as an assistant editor for all their magazines, one of which was The Edge, a magazine I wrote for occassionally. Hey, Melbourne, although not my favourite state, would be better than staying in my grave in Singapore.
I was still looking at donkeys.
God hit me left of the centre by having the Director of the South Pacific Division's Communication Department send me an email asking if I would be interested to apply for the position of News Correspondent.
God really had it all planned. I could have ended up in Thailand or in Melbourne. I was on the verge of taking up a working holiday visa to live in the UK for two years. I could jolly well be working in Citibank (shudder). These were all the options I saw.
I was looking for donkeys, while God was looking for a king.
After weeks of waiting, long distance phonecalls and a 6.30am interview, I have just been told that I have got the news correspondent job.
I may not have a throne or a crown. I certainly am not getting the immense responsibility and influence. But I am going to be working and living in Sydney, doing what I love best - writing.
I am so glad God was looking for a king, not donkeys.